I remember the first time I drove a three-wheeler. I had ridden on the back with older cousins driving, but I had never been the one in control. There was an overwhelming sense of nervousness as I grabbed the handlebars and placed my thumb on the throttle. I knew where the gear shift was—just near my left foot. I took a deep breath and gave it a little gas. It began to move! A thrill ran through my entire being.

As I drove, I got more confident. Then I got arrogant, believing I was in control. But as I turned a corner, I hit a root—or maybe a large rock—and my thumb slammed down on the throttle. I was absolutely not in control. The machine underneath me was the real master. I was, in all reality, simply trying to hold on and manage it the best I could.

The Elephant and the Rider

In The Righteous Mind, Jonathan Haidt argues that something similar happens with the way we make decisions and understand the world. He makes a compelling case that “intuitions come first, strategic reasoning second” (p. 61). If you want the full argument—spread across three chapters and nearly 100 pages—grab the book. But here’s the short version: we relate to the world primarily through our intuitions.

Haidt calls this our “elephant.” The elephant, as the largest land mammal on Earth, has long been used in parts of the world like horses are used here in the U.S.—including being ridden. Our intuitions, like the elephant, go wherever they want, whenever they want. In truth, we don’t control them. At best, we can hope to guide them. That guidance is what Haidt calls “the rider”—our strategic reasoning.

How Moral Foundations Work

As we engage with the world through our various moral foundations, it’s our intuitions that respond first. Think of moral foundations like taste receptors—ways we interpret the moral significance of what we experience.

Need a refresher on the foundations? Check out this earlier post: The Battle Lines Within.

Most of us like to believe we make decisions based on reason. We imagine ourselves thinking things through, weighing facts, and arriving at logical conclusions. But in reality, we intuit our way to decisions, and then use reason to justify them afterward. In other words, the rider is always trying to catch up with the elephant.

When Reason Meets Disagreement

Interestingly, while we believe we are guided by reason, we tend to assume that those who disagree with us are driven by emotion or blind intuition. Why? Because we assume that if they had simply reasoned through the facts, they’d come to the same conclusion we did.

This leads to a breakdown in communication. Neither side believes the other is using reason—and they’re both right! But because neither sees themselves as fundamentally driven by intuition, real communication becomes nearly impossible.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “You just can’t talk to So-And-So’s supporters. They don’t live in reality.” My friends on the left and right say the same thing about each other. You can see this play out in social media comment threads every day.

Curiosity Over Conflict

As I’ve come to understand the role of the elephant—our intuition—it’s changed the way I listen. I’m becoming more curious about people. It’s far more interesting to learn why someone feels the way they do than to hear their carefully rehearsed arguments.

Why? Because those arguments are just riders trying to direct their elephants. They’re not the why—just the how. Our reasons exist largely to help us feel better about our intuitions. That’s as true for me as it is for you.

How Change Happens

When we encounter triggering events, our moral foundations activate emotional responses. Those emotions then prompt our strategic reasoning to step in and provide meaning and justification.

At the end of the day, reason can’t go anywhere that intuition doesn’t want to. It’s like the elephant and the rider: the rider is powerless to make the elephant move in a direction it doesn’t already want to go.

Why Arguments Fall Flat

So much of our public discourse—especially around politics and religion—is aimed at the rider. People lay out “arguments” and “facts” to try to win others over. But little progress is made, because facts and arguments rarely reach the elephant.

To make real progress, we must speak to people at the level of their moral foundations and intuitions. When we do, two things happen:

  1. We grow in empathy and compassion. We begin to understand the heart of the person we’re engaging with. We can start to see the world as they do.
  2. We both might change. When we come to see that our intuitions may have been misdirected or incomplete, our reasoning adapts. Our rider catches up with a new path the elephant is willing to take.

The Shift in Me

The more I learn about the elephant and the rider, the more I realize people are rarely who I initially think they are. While someone’s arguments might rub me the wrong way, if I choose to explore the intuitions behind those arguments, I usually find something relatable.

I also find that when I want to communicate my own views, I’m better off identifying and sharing the intuitions that drive me. When I do, my conversation partners tend to respond more openly.

What About You?

What do you think?
Does this ring true for you?