Daniel Rose

Part 2 of 11 of Parenting Principles

When you have your first kid, everyone, and I mean everyone, gives you advice. You get advice from the lady in the grocery store and the man behind you in line at the movie theater. Wherever you go, advice rolls in.

One day my wife, Amy, was at an office store running an errand for our ministry team at Illinois State and baby Ethan was hungry and tired. He was doing what little ones do when they get hungry and tired, crying, melting down, he was absolutely losing it. The well meaning lady behind the register looked at Amy and handed her a brochure about raising a child with autism, “You may find this helpful.”

Some advice is better than others. You have to learn quickly what advice to hold onto and what advice to let go of. I think that one of the most important pieces of advice, one that became a core principle for us, was “your child’s sin is not your sin.”

Some time later Amy and I are were at Panera trying to have a little lunch. Ethan had just found his running legs. As young parents we made the mistake of taking him out of the high chair and then began putting on our coats. In an instant he was gone! My dude was running laps around Panera. It was one of the moments that you have to decide if you’re going to chase him or try to out smart him. We attempted to use our superior intellects by trying to corner him from two different directions. He stopped, giggling, looked to the left and then to the right. Before we could grab him, he took off into the kitchen! Thankfully, one of our friends was the manager and scooped him up, “Did you lose something guys?”

Every person who parents a child has stories they could tell where they wanted to crawl up under a rock somewhere because of the ridiculous actions taken by their child. The Panera story is cute now, but in the moment we were absolutely mortified. Amy and I experienced shame.

Why? Why did we experience shame from the actions of our little boy? It’s because our identities were too deeply connected to him. Whatever Ethan did, we saw it as an extension of ourselves. I think if we are honest this is why obedience is such a significant benchmark for parents in their evaluation of their parenting. The thinking goes, “if my kids are obedient then I am a good parent.” Similarly, “If my child is a good person then I am a good person. If they are a bad person then I must be a bad person.”

This is dangerous thinking.

When we link our identities to another person, whether it’s a child entrusted to us or another adult, what happens is that we begin to lose our sense of self.

Here is the truth of the matter, we are our own and the children entrusted to us are their own.

We must teach the children entrusted to us that they are responsible for their actions. This means that when they do well, we praise them for doing well. It’s not our success, it is theirs. When they fall short and make mistakes, we help them understand that they must own those mistakes. It’s not our failure, it is theirs.

This is infinitely more difficult when children are young. Why? Because they don’t have the capacity for complex thinking. Yet, they will learn from how you respond and how you carry yourself through the ups and downs of life together. So much of this is caught by the children in your home as opposed to taught.

Two tangible ways that Amy and I have practiced this principle is to remind one another that the actions of our children are their own. We also avoid manipulative language like, “You make me feel…” As adults, we have the responsibility to be wise and measured in our responses to children’s behavior. This is easier said than done. It requires significant attention and intentionality. Caring for a child is all the time. Parenting a child never ends. The vigilance required to avoid this kind of language is exhausting but critically important.

One of the important things that comes as a result of embracing this principle is that you, as the parent, are able to truly speak truth in love and extend grace. Why? When we are able to differentiate ourselves from the children entrusted to us we can actually see them as individuals and not simply an extension of ourselves. This means that we can, with authenticity, hold the tension of truth, love, and grace. We can do so without adding shame and guilt into the equation.

As children grow older they inevitably sin, like everyone else. When they do, Amy and I, can speak grace, truth, and love. We are able to hold them accountable without experiencing shame or guilt ourselves. In some sense, we can dispassionately hold them accountable.

In the next paragraph I’m going to write briefly about the Christian perspective about why this is principle is important. If that’s not your bag, you can skip the paragraph, it’s OK. I hope you won’t, it’s of central importance in my life and I hope at the very least it will help you know me better.

For those of you reading this that are followers of Jesus this principle also lays the groundwork for the reality that you are not the savior. Our jobs as parents is not to try and take the sin of the children entrusted to us as our own. Jesus did that completely and perfectly on the cross. Our job is to point to Jesus and to remind the children and ourselves who the savior is. When we fail, when they fail, there is only one means by which the effects and consequences of sin have been done away with, the cross of Christ. Sin’s curse is the breaking of relationship with one another and God. Christ has redeemed and reconciled those relationships through his work on the cross. It is up to us to now experience that forgiveness by faith.

“Their sin is not your sin.” This principle frees us to love the children entrusted to us well. It allows us to speak truth, grace, and love with authenticity apart from guilt and shame.

Be sure to leave comments, questions, and thoughts. If you liked this article please share it or drop a clap or two. That’s how it will be found by others.

Part 1 of 11 Parenting Principles

Any time that I ask people what they want me to write about, almost always the topic of parenting comes up. A few years ago I wrote a little article with ten principles that have shaped our parenting. So, I thought it might be helpful to flesh out some of these ideas in their own posts.

Before I begin the series I want to make sure that I share a word of warning with you. Parenting is intensely personal. What works for one set of parents may not necessarily work for another. Children are unique and different. No two settings, families, or situations are exactly the same. Everything I write here needs to be taken with a grain salt.

To that end, I am going to avoid specifics. You’re not going to see specific examples of how we worked out each of these principles. I am going to intentionally stay at the 10,000 foot level. That’s because I don’t want you to think that there is some sort of recipe for perfect parenting.

All of us are going to do the best that we can do. It’s hard. Parenting is, without a doubt, the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my life. Being entrusted with the lives of two people (in my case a son and daughter) is beyond daunting. At every turn I am just hoping that the decisions we make are not going to mess them up too bad.

There are no perfect parents. If you are a parent or want to be a parent you are engaging in art, not science. There is no way that you can predict how the children who have been entrusted to your care are going to turn out.

Yet, you can be intentional. You can try and think through a way to parent with some principles that will help you make decisions and provide a framework for your “why” when it comes to those decisions.

My encouragement to you is this: parenting can be deeply rewarding, infuriating, joyful, and painful. There will be times when you have no answers. When you come to those moments choose grace and love. I am convinced that grace and love are probably the two most important components to parenting well. If the children who are entrusted to us leave our homes and know that the people who parented them love them and are the place and people of grace for them in the midst of life’s storms, we have succeeded beyond compare.

It takes real work to embrace love and grace in your relationships with the children entrusted to your care. It will not be easy. There will be times when you will go over board one way or another. When you do, it is not the end. There will be another chance.

Parenting is like learning to ride a bike. You try and fall and try and fall and try again. Eventually, once you get your sense of balance and think you have it figured out they take your bike away.

As my son and daughter are about to leave home, I’m thankful for the years that my wife and I have had to be their parents. They have taught us about love and grace in a depth that I could not have imagine. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the time we have had with them. Their futures are their own but I believe we have built a scaffold for them to live lives of faith, love, and grace. I am excited to see what they do with their lives.

As this series progresses, please share your parenting stories and ask your questions in the comments. I look forward to journeying with you.

The Spiritual Practices of Engagement

Spiritual practice is about preparing us to . These practices include practices of abstinence and practices of engagement. We can align these ideas with Jesus telling his followers to deny themselves and take up their cross daily (Mark 8:34–38). The practices of abstinence are how we practice denying ourselves. The second kinds of practices are those of engagement, the taking up of our cross.

In the American church we have largely focused on the practices of engagement. Because these are more straightforward and more “normal” I’m going to summarize them in one post.

Study

The first practice of engagement is study. This encompasses the study of Scripture, theology, doctrine, and apologetics. As followers of Christ our most direct way of growing in our knowledge of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit is through study, specifically the Scriptures. The Scriptures are ancient texts. They come from a variety of authors, cultures, and times. This means that as we engage in study we need to identify the genre, historical setting, and cultural context for what we are studying. This can be done relatively easily with a quick Google search.

From there, we can focus our attention on five questions: 1. What do I think is important? 2. What do I not understand? 3. What do I learn about God (the Father, the Son, and the Spirit)? 4. What do I learn about people? 5. How do I need to respond?

If we simple worked our way through the Scriptures asking these five questions we would walk away with significant insight and hopefully life change.

Prayer

The second practice of engagement is prayer. By spending time in prayer we are engaging with God in a most personal way. As we pray we are able to do so in faith knowing that God the Spirit is even praying on our behalf.

How do we pray? That is a question that I get asked often. In my own practice I do a couple things. I tend to pray through what is known as the Lord’s prayer from Matthew 6:9–15. As I work my way through each verse my mind and heart tend to be directed to where they need to go. I will also often follow a pattern known as “A.C.T.S.” This is an acronym that stands for adoration (adoring God), confession (acknowledging my sin and embracing forgiveness), thanksgiving (thanking God for all that God has provided), and supplication (praying for myself and others).

Worship

Worship is where we turn our attention to God and offer praise. This an important aspect of our spiritual practice as it forces us to move from a self-centered position to that of God-centered. Worship can be private (see adoration above) and/or corporate.

Corporate worship is significant because we are explicitly commanded in Hebrews to not forsake meeting together. If you are a follower of Jesus you have a responsibility to connect in community on a regular basis. Typically this is centered around the Lord’s table and the preaching of the Scriptures. Sadly, the people of God have split over these two things. Protestants tend to emphasize preaching over the Supper and Catholics/Orthodox tend to emphasize the Supper over preaching. What we see in the Scriptures is a dual emphasis of Supper and preaching.

Celebration

Tied to worship is celebration. The Scriptures are full of feasts. The people of God have historically been a feast people. Celebrations are used to remember the works and story of God. In other words, a significant part of following and growing in Christ is learning to party!

Service

Too often we don’t think about how important service is to our spiritual lives. When we serve another we are practicing a self-sacrificial love. It is critically important. When was the last time you served? This should be an easy answer. Yet, too often in our American Christianity we have come to think that the church exists to serve us. This is why we have seen the proliferation of programs within the context of church. We are to offer ourselves as living sacrifices. This is the core of service.

Fellowship

Fellowship in the Christian faith is not simply getting together. There is an intent to meeting together for fellowship. The easiest way to think about this may be in the context of a small group of people meeting together to talk through their spiritual lives. Fellowship is an intentional meeting of people to press one another to a deeper place of spiritual growth.

Confession

Confession we touched on under prayer. This practice of engagement is where we engage with our own stories. Paul talks about taking off the old and putting on the new. This is the practice of confession. We actively take off the old sinful nature and put on our new nature as a follower of Christ. This act is ongoing and never ending. We are imperfect and this side of eternity we won’t ever be perfect. Therefore, we must recognize those imperfections and embrace the forgiveness and grace that is ours in Christ.

Submission

Finally, there is the practice of submission. This is where we submit to one another and to Christ. This is so very hard to do. It requires us set aside ourselves and come under someone else. We look to another and say, “I hear what you’re saying and I submit to you.” This is the critical practice that maintains unity in the body of Christ.

Conclusion

When we “take up” our “cross” it prepares us to handle life when it comes at us. These practices of engagement help us to build the spiritual, emotional, and relational muscle to enter the world as gospel bearers. When we face the darkness we will be able to bear the light and shine grace.

Originally published at [danielmrose.com](https://danielmrose.com) on February 5, 2020.

The disciplines and practices of abstinence are designed to help us grow in our ability to know contentment and trust. They press us toward self-sacrifice. These practices are what we use to “deny ourselves.” They are counter-cultural and difficult to practice because they go against everything that is within us.

Chastity has become synonymous with “virginity.” There has been a fascination within the evangelical subculture with remaining “chaste.” Yet, in reality it is something a bit different. The practice of chastity is the decision of someone to abstain from sexual pleasure for a period of time. These periods of time can and should happen even within the context of marriage. This is of course a decision made in conjunction with your spouse. It is never to be used as a punishment or as something to control your spouse. When we enter into this time of chastity it functions to help us be content in our relationship beyond the physical. We learn that intimacy is not simply rooted in sexual pleasure but in relational, emotional, and spiritual connection too.

Secrecy is the practice of denying ourselves public adulation. This is a particularly difficult practice in our world of social media. Most of us document every aspect of our lives. We post the stories and pictures of everything that we do. When we practice secrecy it makes us uncomfortable. We take such great pleasure in others knowing the good we have done. When we practice secrecy, we are forced to learn humility and the joy of altruism.

The final practice of abstinence that we need to highlight is that of sacrifice. This is, arguably, the most difficult practice for the American Christian. To practice sacrifice is to set aside our “rights.” For those of us who are American to defense of our rights is at the center of our national identity. To practice sacrifice is to cut to the heart of who we are. This is no small challenge. We have to ask ourselves if the practice of sacrifice is something that we are even willing to engage in. Sacrifice teaches us to abandon the posture of getting what we want, when we want it. When in combination with the practice of frugality it brings us to the place where we can give sacrificially. This does not mean putting yourself into debt or putting yourself in a position that doesn’t allow you to care for or provide for your family.

Originally published at [danielmrose.com](https://danielmrose.com) on January 31, 2020.

Amy and I were raising support to join the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru) and living in Mount Pleasant, MI. I had just graduated from Central Michigan University and we were excited about our future. But, we had to raise some serious cash. When you’re a missionary with Cru you have to develop all of the financial support to provide for yourself and your family. So, we decided to do what any good evangelical would, we committed to fasting for a time.

We secretly believed that God would see our fasting and he would move because we were fasting. Granted, we would never had said it that way. We would have said we were seeking to develop a dependence on God for our physical needs, or something. But, in reality we (or at least I) pretty much thought that fasting had some sort of power to move God.

During this time I was working at Wendy’s to provide for my young wife (she as working at a bank and was the real bread winner, but don’t tell 21 year old Dan that he was pretty proud). Surrounded by french fries, nuggets, and burgers made for a very difficult time of fasting. It’s OK, I decided that Frosty was a beverage.

I look back at those kids and smile. So much faith and hope. So little understanding and wisdom.

As we continue to consider the practices of abstinence there are two more that are related to one another: fasting and frugality. Remember, the practices of abstinence are rooted in our active choice to deny the self. Our culture is rooted in indulgence of the self. As we practice these disciplines we will be pushing against our culture and it will feel hard.

Fasting in its most basic form is the forgoing of food for a period of time. Just about every great religious tradition includes periods of fasting as a component of spiritual practice.

Before continuing I need to clearly state this: do not fast from food apart from the oversight of your physician.

When we fast from food we feel something physical in us. Our stomach growls, we may feel sluggish, and we become aware of our desire for food. Fasting from food opens our eyes to how frail we really are.

A food fast is not the only to practice fasting. I have found over the years that fasting from anything that dominates my mind or time has been very significant. For instance, I will regularly fast from social media. I have fasted from radio or music when driving. There have been times where fasting from little things like alcohol, sweets, or snacking has been helpful.

The important thing with fasting is identifying something in your life that you think has some form of control over you and actively choosing to forgo it. As we let it go, we then pursue additional time with God through prayer, meditation, reflection, or community.

Related to fasting is the practice of frugality. Frugality is where we actively choose to not spend money on anything beyond fundamental needs. This doesn’t mean that you should stop paying your mortgage. It means that you choose not to eat out, engage in paid entertainment, or you wait for a period to buy something that is not a need.

If fasting is a practice that helps us learn dependence, frugality helps us learn contentment. If you’re anything like me you’re always looking for the next cool thing. The next movie, the next device, the next…Frugality as a practice challenges this heart attitude. When we are practicing frugality we seek to embrace what God has already provided and choose contentment. The other frugality does is that it puts us in position to be generous. We can be generous with our time and our finances because we have chosen contentment for a season.

Have you ever practiced fasting or frugality? How has it played out in your life? What was it like? I’d love to hear your story!

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on January 29, 2020.

When was the last time you denied yourself something? If you’re anything like me that’s a hard question to answer. I am not in the business of denying myself much of anything. I am able to figure out a reason to get just about anything that I want, when I want it. It doesn’t really matter what it is. How about you?

Some of you may be thinking about times when you didn’t have the resources to get something that you wanted. We’ve all been there, right? What I want you to think about is a time when you had the resources, the ability, and the time to get what you wanted in a particular moment but you decided to deny yourself.

That’s a much more difficult question for most of us.

Jesus said,

“If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:34–38, NRSV)

This is one of my favorite passages in the whole Bible. When I think about spiritual disciplines this is the one that comes to mind. In particular the first verse: If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

That one verse hits on both avenues of spiritual practice abstinence and engagement. In my experience there has been a significant focus on the “take up your cross” aspect of this and a glossing over of “deny themselves.”

Why?

Because the “take up your cross” speaks so easily to the brokenness that we experience in our world and lives. Hard stuff happens all the time and so we christen “buck up” with “take up your cross.” I’m not sure that is really what Jesus was getting at, but that’s another post. “Deny yourself,” is not something that we want to talk about much. It doesn’t really bring in the crowds. Who wants to be the preacher talking about denying yourself? Our culture is one of immediate gratification. I have a feeling if there was an inner monologue translator on me one of the phrases that would come out loud and clear is, “gimme gimme gimme now!”

I mean who doesn’t readily identify with Varuca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

Over the last few months as I have revisited the spiritual disciplines I’ve become deeply challenged by the practices of abstinence. These practices help us to practice self-denial. Not in the sense of denying reality, but in the sense of denying our wants and desires in the immediate moment.

As a result of our culture setting aside the value of self-denial, rooted in self-control, we have seen this impact the local church. Many churches are given over to the whims and wishes of the masses. They are constantly wrestling with how to make their programs and projects meet the felt needs of their crowd to grow the crowd. People whose demands and wishes are not met, head to the next building down the street until they find the place that will placate their wants and desires.

Dan White Jr says it well in this tweet: “In a consumer-oriented time it becomes utterly normal for people to demand the benefits of community without the inconvenience of commitment.”

This is the reality that we must within ourselves as we come face to face with the disciplines or practices of abstinence. We will naturally chafe at the suggestion of self-denial. After all, if it’s good to have in the future then it must be good to have right now.

Solitude is the practice of getting away and being alone. This may be one of the most subversive of all practices in our day and age. We are always connected and even when we are not in the presence of another human being, we are very rarely alone.

Jesus would regularly get lost in the wilderness. He would intentionally go get by himself and be alone. This was his practice. I’m an extrovert and the idea of solitude completely freaks me out. It is very uncomfortable. As I have intentionally tried to practice this some, I have found that being alone with my own thoughts is awful. I get bored and quickly avoid the solitude by napping.

Perhaps I’m just exhausted and need the rest. Unlikely.

I am convinced that sleep in solitude is a means of avoidance. I don’t have to face the solitude if I’m unconscious. When I’ve been able to really enter into the solitude and stay present in it, it has been some of the sweetest times of fellowship with God that I have experienced. I have discovered much about myself and entered into a depth of self-awareness that has helped to open my eyes to many of the ego driven issues that are always present.

Even as I write this, I realize that I have been neglecting this practice recently and I feel it. The self-centeredness that is ever present in me is right at the surface and is causing issues.

Hand in hand with solitude is the practice of silence. We live in a noisy world. Inundated with constant notifications from our phones and the ever present social media. Not to mention 24 hour news and sports and entertainment cycles, we can’t hardly escape the noise.

When I first began the practice of solitude, I would often be listening to music. This felt safe.

Adding silence to the mix, that was the game changer. To find silence demands me to be intentional. I have to find a place or space to be silent. Noise is everywhere. It’s so very difficult to find a silent space.

One way that I’ve begun engaging in silence is using noise-canceling ear buds at the gym. I will work out in silence. While it is not in conjunction with solitude it allows me to focus on the sound of my heart and breathing. Soon, my thoughts begin to echo and be loud. I have to actively suppress the inner dialogue to simply be silent.

When I engage in solitude and silence together, I am finding that walks outside are the best way to practice these.

I’d love to hear from you about how you practice solitude and silence. Or why you avoid them. Shoot me a comment wherever you read this (Facebook, Twitter, Medium, or connect with me on Telegram, https://t.me/danielmrose)

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on January 28, 2020.

I take a few minutes and discuss the importance of time for spiritual growth.

Why do we engage the disciplines of spiritual practice?

I will never forget the experience of going to work for my dad. I was pretty excited because my name was on the building and I assumed that I would get to work some cushy easy job and make the big bucks.

I was very, very wrong.

The first summer that I worked at Rose Jeep/Eagle I spent three months cleaning the shelves in the Parts Department. Every day I worked I would leave covered in black grime from head to toe. It was an exhausting, boring, dirty grind.

The second summer that I worked at the dealership I painted the lifts in the service center a bright yellow. It was again, a boring dirty experience.

The third summer I took a step up in the world. I became a porter. Since I couldn’t drive yet, it meant that I spent my days in a small garage behind the dealership cleaning cars. I would prepare them for delivery or detail a customer’s car after service.

All along I was also responsible for washing the windows, sweeping, and mopping floors. The first time I mopped my dad said, “Clearly you’ve never been in the Navy, that son, is not how you mop a floor.” I also learned from my Grandpa Rose that only an idiot would allow plants to touch a wall or window because whichever leaves are touching would die. “Danny, don’t be an idiot, you’re a Rose.”

I think at some point my dad knew I was growing frustrated with these jobs. He has an intuition for reading people and seeing into them and knowing what they need to hear. I think that’s what made him a great salesman.

One day we were “walking with purpose” (another lesson learned at the dealership) to another task that I was about to be assigned and he said, “Son, do you know why you’re doing all these things?”

“No.” I responded with that teenage churlishness that I’ve now discovered is apparently a genetic trait within Rose men.

“Someday, I hope, this place will be yours. There will be people who you have to tell to do jobs that nobody wants to do. When you do, you have to be able to say, ‘I know you don’t want to do this. Neither did I. But, these jobs have to be done. I did them and I need you to do them now.’ Son, when your name is on the building you work twice as hard for half the money. People will never think you do. Watch at the end of the day. Most of our employees gather around the time clock to punch out 15 minutes before we close. The people whose name is on the building are still at their desks, still on the phone, and still with customers. Why? Because, our name is on the building.”

I started watching. It was true. All of it. My Grandpa Rose never entered the building without trash from the parking lot in his hands. Why? Because his name was on the building.

In a very real sense my brothers, cousins, and I were freely given an opportunity to make money and to have jobs. But, we couldn’t just pretend to work. We had a responsibility to work hard and honor the name.

When it comes to our faith, we have been given everything. Grace demands that we bring nothing to the table. We don’t deserve to be redeemed, rescued, and reconciled. Yet, God has done that. Christ has brought about this reconciliation through his self-sacrifice. We offer nothing and we get everything.

Peter writes,

So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books. (2 Peter 1:5–9, The Message)

The “how” of growing and building these qualities in our lives is what spiritual practice is meant to do.

Over the next few posts, I will unpack some of these practices. They fall into two categories that Dallas Willard refers to as, “disciplines of abstinence” and “disciplines of engagement.” (pg 158, Spirit of the Disciplines)

The disciplines of abstinence are solitude, silence, fasting, frugality, chastity, secrecy, and sacrifice. (These will be the subject of the next post.)

The disciplines of engagement are study, worship, celebration, service, prayer, fellowship, confession, and submission.

Willard writes about the disciplines, “A discipline for the spiritual life is, when the dust of history is blown away, nothing but an activity undertaken to bring us into more effective cooperation with Christ and his Kingdom. (pg 156, Spirit of the Disciplines).

To is to continue to grow into our Christ-likeness. As we do, we learn to love ourselves more truly which frees us to love our neighbor and even our enemy.

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on December 18, 2019.

Dan discusses the role that truth plays in our spiritual practice and growth.

The fuel for spiritual growth

For the last few years I have had the privilege to help coach a few baseball teams. It has been an amazing experience of learning the game and learning how to help young men develop into the best baseball player that they can be. When a player is coachable, it is amazing to see how they grow and change over the course of the season. When a player is self-motivated, the growth is exponential.

While the joys are incalculable, the hardest part is having to tell parents the truth about the ability of their son. Every parent that pays the money to play high level travel sports believes that their son is the best player on the team. Often, this is because on their house or rec teams they were. They may even have been the best player in their league. Yet, when they join a high level team, every kid was the best somewhere.

There comes a point in the life of a competitive athlete that the “equal play for pay” comes to an end. This is typically around the age of 15 or 16. In baseball, the hardest conversation that I’ve experienced is when it becomes apparent that a player is no longer a “two way” player. Often this means that someone has become a pitcher only or is a player that will more times than not be DH’ed for. The truth is that at some point different aspects of the game bypass certain individuals. It’s hard to hear and especially for parents of players who become pitchers, it’s painful.

Yet, if these young men who have tremendous talent as pitchers would embrace this identity, the sky is the limit. If they and their parents would hear the truth and develop their exceptional skill set they would experience so much more joy and success.

Truth is hard to hear.Truth is even harder to accept.

None of us like to hear truth. None of us. I don’t. You don’t. Your neighbor doesn’t. But, the simple fact remains if we do not hear and embrace truth then we will not be able to grow and change.

If grace is foundational to growth and time is the key to growth, then truth is the fuel for growth.

For most of my life I have struggled with maintaining a healthy weight. I recently began going to the doctor because I realized that I need to. Being over 40 and overweight the need for medical oversight is pretty important, particularly because I’d like to live long enough to be a grandfather. There’s nothing that prepares for you the hard truth of medicine. My doctor is kind and has a great bedside manner. He is approachable, funny, and yet shoots it straight. When I left after my first appointment I was reading over my paperwork and I saw the words, “morbidly obese.” That is truth. That is a truth that I don’t want to hear, but if I’m going to ever get to a place of physical health I have to hear that truth and embrace it.

When we consider our spiritual lives, or any aspect of our lives, we must be willing to hear truth. Truth provides the fuel for our growth and change. It is often what triggers kairos moments for us to help take next steps.

My friend Todd refers to spiritual truth as the “Waller 2x4.”

That’s how truth often works, it seems to hit us blindside like a 2x4 and as we stare at ourselves we can’t help but think, how did I miss this before?

Over the last few weeks life has been very heavy for my family. We have been walking through some tough life stuff. Nothing that’s out of the ordinary for the course of a life, but it’s been hard nonetheless. I had to hear some truth from my wife and I responded in the moment, oh so well (please hear the sarcasm). A little while later the truth of the matter and the reality of the situation landed like an atomic in my soul. I sought forgiveness and took some time to take some stock of what was going on in me. This truth has helped me recognize some besetting issues that I need to continually address.

I thought that I had a better handle on them, but it turns out that I did not.

“Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is.” — C.S. Lewis

What sort of man am I? I am one that is still imperfect. One that has much room to grow. When I can’t control everything in my life, I smolder and get frustrated easily. The time between being an ass and realization of being an ass is shrinking. That gap is shrinking because the time it takes for me to embrace truth is shrinking.

My friends, truth is the fuel for growth. We must be willing to speak to one another in the context of grace and time. We must be willing to hear it from one another believing the best that those around us want to help us grow.

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on December 10, 2019.

In this week’s episode I discuss the role of grace in spiritual practice.

The key to spiritual growth

I am the oldest of three sons and I check just about every box on the “oldest child” list. Chief among them is that if I don’t think I can do something perfect right away I usually won’t even make the attempt. Do you know what’s odd about that? I love to learn. There’s something magical in learning something new. What I am coming to realize though is that when I say learn what I mean is gaining new information.

These two things are not equivalent.

In my experience, within my tribe of Christianity, spiritual growth is directly related to the receipt and comprehension of information. If you know this or understand that then you are becoming more spiritually mature. People who have been to bible college or seminary are afforded some sort of platform in the hierarchy of spiritual maturity simply because they have ingested more information.

The great thing about information is that it doesn’t take much time. We can read a book over a few days and have the information in our brains. One can got to a conference or seminar and learn all kinds of new information in a very short time. Many of us love podcasts and as a result are over-filled with information.

For too long now this equating spiritual maturity with information has undermined true spiritual growth and discipleship.

Over lunch the other day a friend and I were talking about the discipleship and spiritual practice. We discussed how much of “discipleship” is information transfer through “one one ones” or small groups. Yet, the transfer of information is not the point of the discipleship we see in the life of Jesus.

The goal of discipleship we see from Jesus is imitation. That is, to become, as much as it depends on us, like Jesus.

Jesus didn’t hold classes or seminars with his disciples. He lived life with them. They spent time together in one another’s homes and traveling the highways and by-ways of Palestine.

The disciples were able to witness Jesus living life and responding to all the mundane and routine things of life. They were also up close and personal with him in the big moments and the struggles. Being so close and spending so much time allowed them to fashion their lives after Jesus. When he finally left them they spent the rest of their lives trying to imitate him and inviting others to imitate them as they imitated Christ.

Inherent in this process is something that someone like me doesn’t like. What is it you ask? Time.

Time is one of the most important factors in the life of the person who wants to become like Christ. There is nothing that can replace it. It takes time for us to experience the fullness of life. Each moment, each hour, each day, each week, each month, each year, brings us into a deeper understanding of the way of Christ.

We can’t rush the clock or the calendar. What we must learn to do is to be present in the very moment we are in. Every single moment is an opportunity for us to be more like Christ. I think this is what Paul meant when he wrote that we should take each thought captive. When we learn to be present in each moment these moments string together to hours, days, weeks, months, and years. What we find is that over time we have become more like Christ.

It takes time to become.

There are no overnight sensations in the arts or sports. All of those who have been labeled as such put in years of work for that one moment of greatness.

For those of who want to be like Christ no amount of information gain will offset our need for time.

Time to learn to love. Time to learn to forgive. Time to learn kindness. Time to learn humility. Time to learn gentleness. Time to learn patience. Time to learn contentment. Time to learn how to speak truth. Time to learn to follow Christ.

The thing about time is that it’s the one thing we absolutely need and it’s something that we absolutely can’t control.

We can’t hurry spiritual maturity and growth. We won’t get it perfect right away. There will be mistakes and we will fail at being like Christ. Thankfully, there’s grace.

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on November 26, 2019.

A foundational tool for spiritual growth.

What if I told you that the most significant thing that I have learned about consistently growing in my faith is something as simple as a circle?

As I was in the process of launching the Acts 13 Network, I received some training by an organization called, 3DM. Their focus is teaching Christians to be people who multiply their lives in others. This is often called, “discipleship.”

This was not a new concept for me. I had spent ten years on staff with a parachurch organization whose focus was the same. I had discipled scores of young men over the years. I had a plan to help others take steps of faith. Yet, I don’t think that I ever gave them a clear and easy tool to help them simply grow in their faith every single day.

There are lots of things that many Christians talk about as critical to your personal growth. They include things like prayer, bible study, and worship. In the particular sub-culture of Christianity that I grew up spiritually in these were combined in something called a “quiet time.” The quiet time was the cornerstone to Christian growth. When I was asked by someone how I was doing in my faith my response was always filtered through the state of my quiet times.

Do you want to know something interesting? The times of greatest growth in my life have been during seasons when I wasn’t having “quiet times.”

These times of great growth were times when I have intentionally engaged in a practice I have come to refer to as the “circle life.”

The circle is a concept that I learned in my training with 3DM. It is a tool that describes a method to keep us moving forward in our faith. This tool helps us to identify the personal, the communal, and the significance of our interactions with the divine. It’s a tool for mindfulness that relentlessly points us toward change and growth.

The circle is comprised of a kairos moment, repentance, and belief.

Kairos

In the Greek language there are two words for time. The first and most common is chronos. This is where we get our word, “chronology.” It refers to the moment by moment, the constant tick-tock of the clock. You could call it “ordinary” time.

The other word, “kairos,” points us to those moments when it seems like time stops. There is an in-breaking something outside of our normal experience. This could be as simple as being overcome by the sunset or the rainbow in a puddle that catches our eye. It could be as significant as the moment you fall in love. Kairos moments are those moments when we interact with the divine. They don’t need to be major earth shattering moments, they can be small and seem insignificant.

As we try to live the circle life, we are trying to grab hold of each kairos moment that we experience every single day. We want to acknowledge, engage with, and embrace these moments for what they are. As we do, they plunge us into the process of spiritual growth and away from stagnation.

Repentance

After we recognize the kairos moment, we wade into the waters of repentance. Many of us hear this word and it holds for us a negative connotation. Too often we think of repentance only in conjunction with some sort of failure. Yet, the word simply means to change direction 180 degrees. We can repent from something good to something better.

Repentance is nothing more than changing. When we engage with the kairos moments of our lives we either enter in with them and the process of change or we let them go and continue moving forward as though nothing happened. When we practice the latter, stagnation of our spiritual lives is the result. If we can embrace the call to repentance inherent in the kairos moment we will continue the process of spiritual growth.

The process of repentance is comprised of observation, reflection, and discussion. Observation is that process of identifying and grasping hold of the kairos moment. It’s that moment where we say, “AH! This is that!”

In reflection we take the kairos and dwell on it, we meditate on it. We treat it like a prism and turn it around in the light trying to witness all the beauty and nuance of the light refracting through it.

In discussion we bring the moment to our trusted community. We put it on the table and wrestle through it together. In community we talk with one another and process together. Often this looks like our community asking probing questions to help us turn the moment around and catch different glimpses than we have before.

Belief

The final turn around the circle is encapsulated in the concept of belief. This points us toward our response to repentance. Change, necessarily means that we must act differently than we did before. Almost always, change brings uncertainty with it. It is uncomfortable and demands us to step out in faith.

The belief side of the circle follows a similar rhythm as the repentance side. Instead of beginning in the individual it continues the engagement of the community in what we call “planning.” Our community helps us create a specific plan for change. In light of the change that comes from engaging with the kairos moment, we must answer the question, “What do I do now?” in a specific way. When we try to deal with this question on our own we too often leave it open and general. Our community will help get specific.

After we create a plan, we must put accountability in place with our community. How will we allow ourselves to be held accountable to the plan we have developed?

Finally, we move to the individual, and that is the “act” stage. Belief that is not accompanied by action is not really belief. As we move out in action the circle is completed and we move towards our next kairos moment.

Time

There is no way to hurry or rush the process to get to the next kairos moment. We can’t control when the kairos moment comes, all we can do is be ready to grab hold of it when it does. There is no recipe that brings about these moments. It is simply a process that we continue to engage in over and over again.

Over the years this process has helped me to avoid stagnation in my spiritual life. It also brings great meaning and purpose to everything that I do. Within every interaction, every book, every moment there is a possibility of kairos. This possibility creates a sense of wonder, awe, and intrigue in all of life.

The circle illustration and the concepts written about here can be found in more depth in Mike Breen’s book, Building a Discipling Culture.

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on November 21, 2019.

Introduction to Spiritual Practice

C.S. Lewis wrote, “Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is.” Dan dives in and asks how do we prepare ourselves for being taken off guard? How do we become like Jesus and not just act like Jesus?

The Foundation of Spiritual Practice

When we start talking about spiritual practice, spiritual growth, and the like some folks begin to sweat. They think that this necessarily means that there is something we are “adding” to our salvation. Some folks have a deep and abiding worry that somehow talk about spiritual practice necessarily leads to a works based Christianity.

The reality is that the opposite is true.

To truly embrace spiritual practice we must start at the beginning. The beginning is one abiding truth:

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. — Ephesians 2:8–10

Grace is the foundation and the fundamental reality of the Christian life. This grace is a radical grace rooted in God’s abounding love and enduring faithfulness to his promises.

As we enter into spiritual practice we have to understand that at no time during our practice do we have to worry about God being disappointed in us. Practice is the place of failure. Practice is where we try and try again to grow, to get better, to be more like Christ.

Grace calls us to a place of radical action because we no longer to fear or worry about finding acceptance with God or anyone else.

Grace is radical, free, no strings attached.

Grace makes all things beautiful.

Grace cries out, “Go for it! Try! You can do it, I have you!”

Grace exclaims, “Fear not!”

Because of this overwhelming and extravagant grace we please God with nothing more than our simple faith. Our willingness to trust God is ultimately what pleases God. Think about that reality for just a moment. Our faith, imperfect, small, weak, is what brings God joy. This is grace. This is what is meant by Jesus saying that his burden is light. Yes, we are called to pick up our cross daily, but when we do it in faith it is lighter.

Let’s be clear, grace does not make things easy. There is nothing easy about practice or disciplining ourselves to take up our crosses daily. Grace changes the perspective, it changes the paradigm. This practice ceases to be work and becomes joy.

This is how grace makes “beauty out of ugly things,” as Bono says.

As we step into these attempts at spiritual practice, we will fail as we try. That’s OK. There is grace. The attempt is what matters.

Trusting that in the practice we will meet God and be changed, that’s everything.

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on November 13, 2019.