The disciplines and practices of abstinence are designed to help us grow in our ability to know contentment and trust. They press us toward self-sacrifice. These practices are what we use to “deny ourselves.” They are counter-cultural and difficult to practice because they go against everything that is within us.

Chastity has become synonymous with “virginity.” There has been a fascination within the evangelical subculture with remaining “chaste.” Yet, in reality it is something a bit different. The practice of chastity is the decision of someone to abstain from sexual pleasure for a period of time. These periods of time can and should happen even within the context of marriage. This is of course a decision made in conjunction with your spouse. It is never to be used as a punishment or as something to control your spouse. When we enter into this time of chastity it functions to help us be content in our relationship beyond the physical. We learn that intimacy is not simply rooted in sexual pleasure but in relational, emotional, and spiritual connection too.

Secrecy is the practice of denying ourselves public adulation. This is a particularly difficult practice in our world of social media. Most of us document every aspect of our lives. We post the stories and pictures of everything that we do. When we practice secrecy it makes us uncomfortable. We take such great pleasure in others knowing the good we have done. When we practice secrecy, we are forced to learn humility and the joy of altruism.

The final practice of abstinence that we need to highlight is that of sacrifice. This is, arguably, the most difficult practice for the American Christian. To practice sacrifice is to set aside our “rights.” For those of us who are American to defense of our rights is at the center of our national identity. To practice sacrifice is to cut to the heart of who we are. This is no small challenge. We have to ask ourselves if the practice of sacrifice is something that we are even willing to engage in. Sacrifice teaches us to abandon the posture of getting what we want, when we want it. When in combination with the practice of frugality it brings us to the place where we can give sacrificially. This does not mean putting yourself into debt or putting yourself in a position that doesn’t allow you to care for or provide for your family.

Originally published at [danielmrose.com](https://danielmrose.com) on January 31, 2020.

Amy and I were raising support to join the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru) and living in Mount Pleasant, MI. I had just graduated from Central Michigan University and we were excited about our future. But, we had to raise some serious cash. When you’re a missionary with Cru you have to develop all of the financial support to provide for yourself and your family. So, we decided to do what any good evangelical would, we committed to fasting for a time.

We secretly believed that God would see our fasting and he would move because we were fasting. Granted, we would never had said it that way. We would have said we were seeking to develop a dependence on God for our physical needs, or something. But, in reality we (or at least I) pretty much thought that fasting had some sort of power to move God.

During this time I was working at Wendy’s to provide for my young wife (she as working at a bank and was the real bread winner, but don’t tell 21 year old Dan that he was pretty proud). Surrounded by french fries, nuggets, and burgers made for a very difficult time of fasting. It’s OK, I decided that Frosty was a beverage.

I look back at those kids and smile. So much faith and hope. So little understanding and wisdom.

As we continue to consider the practices of abstinence there are two more that are related to one another: fasting and frugality. Remember, the practices of abstinence are rooted in our active choice to deny the self. Our culture is rooted in indulgence of the self. As we practice these disciplines we will be pushing against our culture and it will feel hard.

Fasting in its most basic form is the forgoing of food for a period of time. Just about every great religious tradition includes periods of fasting as a component of spiritual practice.

Before continuing I need to clearly state this: do not fast from food apart from the oversight of your physician.

When we fast from food we feel something physical in us. Our stomach growls, we may feel sluggish, and we become aware of our desire for food. Fasting from food opens our eyes to how frail we really are.

A food fast is not the only to practice fasting. I have found over the years that fasting from anything that dominates my mind or time has been very significant. For instance, I will regularly fast from social media. I have fasted from radio or music when driving. There have been times where fasting from little things like alcohol, sweets, or snacking has been helpful.

The important thing with fasting is identifying something in your life that you think has some form of control over you and actively choosing to forgo it. As we let it go, we then pursue additional time with God through prayer, meditation, reflection, or community.

Related to fasting is the practice of frugality. Frugality is where we actively choose to not spend money on anything beyond fundamental needs. This doesn’t mean that you should stop paying your mortgage. It means that you choose not to eat out, engage in paid entertainment, or you wait for a period to buy something that is not a need.

If fasting is a practice that helps us learn dependence, frugality helps us learn contentment. If you’re anything like me you’re always looking for the next cool thing. The next movie, the next device, the next…Frugality as a practice challenges this heart attitude. When we are practicing frugality we seek to embrace what God has already provided and choose contentment. The other frugality does is that it puts us in position to be generous. We can be generous with our time and our finances because we have chosen contentment for a season.

Have you ever practiced fasting or frugality? How has it played out in your life? What was it like? I’d love to hear your story!

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on January 29, 2020.

When was the last time you denied yourself something? If you’re anything like me that’s a hard question to answer. I am not in the business of denying myself much of anything. I am able to figure out a reason to get just about anything that I want, when I want it. It doesn’t really matter what it is. How about you?

Some of you may be thinking about times when you didn’t have the resources to get something that you wanted. We’ve all been there, right? What I want you to think about is a time when you had the resources, the ability, and the time to get what you wanted in a particular moment but you decided to deny yourself.

That’s a much more difficult question for most of us.

Jesus said,

“If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:34–38, NRSV)

This is one of my favorite passages in the whole Bible. When I think about spiritual disciplines this is the one that comes to mind. In particular the first verse: If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.

That one verse hits on both avenues of spiritual practice abstinence and engagement. In my experience there has been a significant focus on the “take up your cross” aspect of this and a glossing over of “deny themselves.”

Why?

Because the “take up your cross” speaks so easily to the brokenness that we experience in our world and lives. Hard stuff happens all the time and so we christen “buck up” with “take up your cross.” I’m not sure that is really what Jesus was getting at, but that’s another post. “Deny yourself,” is not something that we want to talk about much. It doesn’t really bring in the crowds. Who wants to be the preacher talking about denying yourself? Our culture is one of immediate gratification. I have a feeling if there was an inner monologue translator on me one of the phrases that would come out loud and clear is, “gimme gimme gimme now!”

I mean who doesn’t readily identify with Varuca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

Over the last few months as I have revisited the spiritual disciplines I’ve become deeply challenged by the practices of abstinence. These practices help us to practice self-denial. Not in the sense of denying reality, but in the sense of denying our wants and desires in the immediate moment.

As a result of our culture setting aside the value of self-denial, rooted in self-control, we have seen this impact the local church. Many churches are given over to the whims and wishes of the masses. They are constantly wrestling with how to make their programs and projects meet the felt needs of their crowd to grow the crowd. People whose demands and wishes are not met, head to the next building down the street until they find the place that will placate their wants and desires.

Dan White Jr says it well in this tweet: “In a consumer-oriented time it becomes utterly normal for people to demand the benefits of community without the inconvenience of commitment.”

This is the reality that we must within ourselves as we come face to face with the disciplines or practices of abstinence. We will naturally chafe at the suggestion of self-denial. After all, if it’s good to have in the future then it must be good to have right now.

Solitude is the practice of getting away and being alone. This may be one of the most subversive of all practices in our day and age. We are always connected and even when we are not in the presence of another human being, we are very rarely alone.

Jesus would regularly get lost in the wilderness. He would intentionally go get by himself and be alone. This was his practice. I’m an extrovert and the idea of solitude completely freaks me out. It is very uncomfortable. As I have intentionally tried to practice this some, I have found that being alone with my own thoughts is awful. I get bored and quickly avoid the solitude by napping.

Perhaps I’m just exhausted and need the rest. Unlikely.

I am convinced that sleep in solitude is a means of avoidance. I don’t have to face the solitude if I’m unconscious. When I’ve been able to really enter into the solitude and stay present in it, it has been some of the sweetest times of fellowship with God that I have experienced. I have discovered much about myself and entered into a depth of self-awareness that has helped to open my eyes to many of the ego driven issues that are always present.

Even as I write this, I realize that I have been neglecting this practice recently and I feel it. The self-centeredness that is ever present in me is right at the surface and is causing issues.

Hand in hand with solitude is the practice of silence. We live in a noisy world. Inundated with constant notifications from our phones and the ever present social media. Not to mention 24 hour news and sports and entertainment cycles, we can’t hardly escape the noise.

When I first began the practice of solitude, I would often be listening to music. This felt safe.

Adding silence to the mix, that was the game changer. To find silence demands me to be intentional. I have to find a place or space to be silent. Noise is everywhere. It’s so very difficult to find a silent space.

One way that I’ve begun engaging in silence is using noise-canceling ear buds at the gym. I will work out in silence. While it is not in conjunction with solitude it allows me to focus on the sound of my heart and breathing. Soon, my thoughts begin to echo and be loud. I have to actively suppress the inner dialogue to simply be silent.

When I engage in solitude and silence together, I am finding that walks outside are the best way to practice these.

I’d love to hear from you about how you practice solitude and silence. Or why you avoid them. Shoot me a comment wherever you read this (Facebook, Twitter, Medium, or connect with me on Telegram, https://t.me/danielmrose)

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on January 28, 2020.

I take a few minutes and discuss the importance of time for spiritual growth.

Why do we engage the disciplines of spiritual practice?

I will never forget the experience of going to work for my dad. I was pretty excited because my name was on the building and I assumed that I would get to work some cushy easy job and make the big bucks.

I was very, very wrong.

The first summer that I worked at Rose Jeep/Eagle I spent three months cleaning the shelves in the Parts Department. Every day I worked I would leave covered in black grime from head to toe. It was an exhausting, boring, dirty grind.

The second summer that I worked at the dealership I painted the lifts in the service center a bright yellow. It was again, a boring dirty experience.

The third summer I took a step up in the world. I became a porter. Since I couldn’t drive yet, it meant that I spent my days in a small garage behind the dealership cleaning cars. I would prepare them for delivery or detail a customer’s car after service.

All along I was also responsible for washing the windows, sweeping, and mopping floors. The first time I mopped my dad said, “Clearly you’ve never been in the Navy, that son, is not how you mop a floor.” I also learned from my Grandpa Rose that only an idiot would allow plants to touch a wall or window because whichever leaves are touching would die. “Danny, don’t be an idiot, you’re a Rose.”

I think at some point my dad knew I was growing frustrated with these jobs. He has an intuition for reading people and seeing into them and knowing what they need to hear. I think that’s what made him a great salesman.

One day we were “walking with purpose” (another lesson learned at the dealership) to another task that I was about to be assigned and he said, “Son, do you know why you’re doing all these things?”

“No.” I responded with that teenage churlishness that I’ve now discovered is apparently a genetic trait within Rose men.

“Someday, I hope, this place will be yours. There will be people who you have to tell to do jobs that nobody wants to do. When you do, you have to be able to say, ‘I know you don’t want to do this. Neither did I. But, these jobs have to be done. I did them and I need you to do them now.’ Son, when your name is on the building you work twice as hard for half the money. People will never think you do. Watch at the end of the day. Most of our employees gather around the time clock to punch out 15 minutes before we close. The people whose name is on the building are still at their desks, still on the phone, and still with customers. Why? Because, our name is on the building.”

I started watching. It was true. All of it. My Grandpa Rose never entered the building without trash from the parking lot in his hands. Why? Because his name was on the building.

In a very real sense my brothers, cousins, and I were freely given an opportunity to make money and to have jobs. But, we couldn’t just pretend to work. We had a responsibility to work hard and honor the name.

When it comes to our faith, we have been given everything. Grace demands that we bring nothing to the table. We don’t deserve to be redeemed, rescued, and reconciled. Yet, God has done that. Christ has brought about this reconciliation through his self-sacrifice. We offer nothing and we get everything.

Peter writes,

So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books. (2 Peter 1:5–9, The Message)

The “how” of growing and building these qualities in our lives is what spiritual practice is meant to do.

Over the next few posts, I will unpack some of these practices. They fall into two categories that Dallas Willard refers to as, “disciplines of abstinence” and “disciplines of engagement.” (pg 158, Spirit of the Disciplines)

The disciplines of abstinence are solitude, silence, fasting, frugality, chastity, secrecy, and sacrifice. (These will be the subject of the next post.)

The disciplines of engagement are study, worship, celebration, service, prayer, fellowship, confession, and submission.

Willard writes about the disciplines, “A discipline for the spiritual life is, when the dust of history is blown away, nothing but an activity undertaken to bring us into more effective cooperation with Christ and his Kingdom. (pg 156, Spirit of the Disciplines).

To is to continue to grow into our Christ-likeness. As we do, we learn to love ourselves more truly which frees us to love our neighbor and even our enemy.

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on December 18, 2019.

Dan discusses the role that truth plays in our spiritual practice and growth.

The fuel for spiritual growth

For the last few years I have had the privilege to help coach a few baseball teams. It has been an amazing experience of learning the game and learning how to help young men develop into the best baseball player that they can be. When a player is coachable, it is amazing to see how they grow and change over the course of the season. When a player is self-motivated, the growth is exponential.

While the joys are incalculable, the hardest part is having to tell parents the truth about the ability of their son. Every parent that pays the money to play high level travel sports believes that their son is the best player on the team. Often, this is because on their house or rec teams they were. They may even have been the best player in their league. Yet, when they join a high level team, every kid was the best somewhere.

There comes a point in the life of a competitive athlete that the “equal play for pay” comes to an end. This is typically around the age of 15 or 16. In baseball, the hardest conversation that I’ve experienced is when it becomes apparent that a player is no longer a “two way” player. Often this means that someone has become a pitcher only or is a player that will more times than not be DH’ed for. The truth is that at some point different aspects of the game bypass certain individuals. It’s hard to hear and especially for parents of players who become pitchers, it’s painful.

Yet, if these young men who have tremendous talent as pitchers would embrace this identity, the sky is the limit. If they and their parents would hear the truth and develop their exceptional skill set they would experience so much more joy and success.

Truth is hard to hear.Truth is even harder to accept.

None of us like to hear truth. None of us. I don’t. You don’t. Your neighbor doesn’t. But, the simple fact remains if we do not hear and embrace truth then we will not be able to grow and change.

If grace is foundational to growth and time is the key to growth, then truth is the fuel for growth.

For most of my life I have struggled with maintaining a healthy weight. I recently began going to the doctor because I realized that I need to. Being over 40 and overweight the need for medical oversight is pretty important, particularly because I’d like to live long enough to be a grandfather. There’s nothing that prepares for you the hard truth of medicine. My doctor is kind and has a great bedside manner. He is approachable, funny, and yet shoots it straight. When I left after my first appointment I was reading over my paperwork and I saw the words, “morbidly obese.” That is truth. That is a truth that I don’t want to hear, but if I’m going to ever get to a place of physical health I have to hear that truth and embrace it.

When we consider our spiritual lives, or any aspect of our lives, we must be willing to hear truth. Truth provides the fuel for our growth and change. It is often what triggers kairos moments for us to help take next steps.

My friend Todd refers to spiritual truth as the “Waller 2x4.”

That’s how truth often works, it seems to hit us blindside like a 2x4 and as we stare at ourselves we can’t help but think, how did I miss this before?

Over the last few weeks life has been very heavy for my family. We have been walking through some tough life stuff. Nothing that’s out of the ordinary for the course of a life, but it’s been hard nonetheless. I had to hear some truth from my wife and I responded in the moment, oh so well (please hear the sarcasm). A little while later the truth of the matter and the reality of the situation landed like an atomic in my soul. I sought forgiveness and took some time to take some stock of what was going on in me. This truth has helped me recognize some besetting issues that I need to continually address.

I thought that I had a better handle on them, but it turns out that I did not.

“Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is.” — C.S. Lewis

What sort of man am I? I am one that is still imperfect. One that has much room to grow. When I can’t control everything in my life, I smolder and get frustrated easily. The time between being an ass and realization of being an ass is shrinking. That gap is shrinking because the time it takes for me to embrace truth is shrinking.

My friends, truth is the fuel for growth. We must be willing to speak to one another in the context of grace and time. We must be willing to hear it from one another believing the best that those around us want to help us grow.

Originally published at https://danielmrose.com on December 10, 2019.

In this week’s episode I discuss the role of grace in spiritual practice.