A frustrated mind dump in the midst of a creative block.

It’s been a bit since I last wrote a blog or recorded a personal podcast. This week, I shared with some friends how I’m feeling a bit blocked for some reason. I asked them to pray.

As I sit here today, the block remains.

One of my friends asked me if I need to sit with the block. He suggested that I may need to enter into it and experience it, to be aware of it, to be mindful of it.

“Perhaps God is asking you to be patient.”

For the last 48 hours or so, I have been. I am trying to allow myself to see the block, so to speak. During this time, I have found quiet moments to let my mind prayerfully enter in and try to embrace it fully.

What am I finding? Frustration.

That is an emotion that, for me, is negative. I don’t like feeling frustrated. Feelings of frustration are ones that I try to avoid at all costs.

One of the things that I’m learning about myself is that I try to avoid pain. As a result, I self-medicate with food and entertainment. This frustration that I’m experiencing because of a perceived loss of creativity is driving me to entertainment. I am working hard and have some accountability with food, but the entertainment piece is difficult to stop.

Also, because I avoid pain, I don’t very often “sit” in these moments of pain. I tend to move past them and away from them as quickly as possible.

I am not going to do that this time. I am going to enter in and experience the frustration. As I am being prayerfully mindful of the frustration, I am seeing some things about myself that I needed to see.

For instance, I am learning that I need a great deal of input and mental stimulation through reading and conversations. I also need to be very diligent in capturing ideas when they strike me. I can’t hope to hang on to them and hold them in my mind.

So, here’s what I’m beginning to do. I am starting to carry a small notebook in my pocket. Hopefully, I will remember to jot ideas down when they hit me. Also, I am forcing myself to read first thing in the day. Finally, I am making myself write, something, anything every day. I have found a nice little private blogging space. Maybe someday they will become public, maybe not. But it’s there and it’s for me.

What do you do when you’re feeling creatively or mentally blocked? I’d love to hear in the comments!

Signs and wonders or trust and believe?

One of the questions that I bump into on a regular basis is, “Why doesn’t God do some signs? If God really wanted people to believe then he would do miracles and prove it.”

I wrestle with that question often, if I’m honest. I read through the Scriptures and think about what it must have been like to walk with Jesus or the prophets. Could you imagine seeing Jesus turn water into wine? Or raising Lazarus from the dead? What about actually being present when healed the leper, the blind, or paralyzed? As I think about seeing these things in person, I think, “My faith would be so much stronger if we could see these kinds of miraculous events around us.”

Yet, when I get even more honest I realize that is complete bull. My faith wouldn’t be stronger. It would be exactly as it is, middling to weak. I know this is the case because I have seen answered prayer and I always look for the “reasonable explanation” first, as opposed to simply giving God glory.

There’s a great story at the end of John 4 that is often overshadowed by the story at the beginning of John 4. The beginning of John 4 is the story of Jesus interacting with the Samaritan woman the launch of the Samaritan revival. It is juxtaposed against this story at the end of the chapter.

In the second story, there is a royal official whose son is dying and he comes and begs Jesus to save him. At the moment, Jesus is in Cana, where he famously turned water into wine. Jesus’ response is,

“Unless you people see signs and wonders,” Jesus told him, “you will never believe.” — John 4:48

I thought that was strange until I connected this story to the one before it. The Samaritans didn’t demand signs from Jesus. They believed his words.

So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. And because of his words many more became believers. — John 4:40–41

Now, this official comes asking Jesus do something miraculous. The crowds were probably watching with baited breath. What will Jesus do? Will he go to the official’s home? Will he be able to save the boy? Jesus calls them out in their desire for signs. All this would have done was raise the tension.

Will he heal or won’t he?

What happens next?

The royal official said, “Sir, come down before my child dies.”
“Go,” Jesus replied, “your son will live.” — John 4:49–50a

The official wants Jesus to come to his home. He demands it. “Come down,” is an imperative. He is commanding Jesus to come to his home. Jesus responds to him with a command and a promise, “Go,” and “your son will live.”

The crowds must have been flabbergasted at this moment. How dare Mary and Joseph’s son speak to an official this way. What was he thinking? He had been given a command and he shot right back at the man. What was going to happen? Surely, Jesus would not walk away from this without repercussions.

What happens is this,

The man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him and started on his way. — John 4:50b

He believed the word. He trusted that what Jesus had said to him was true. As he went home his servants came and let him know that his son was well and upon discovering that he became well at the same time as Jesus command the Scriptures say,

So he himself believed, along with his whole household. — John 4:53b

Wait, wait, didn’t he already believe? Sure. He believed. But now there was a qualitative difference in his belief. He didn’t simply in the word of Jesus, the object of his faith was now Jesus himself.

The question we must ask ourselves, “Do I trust Jesus enough to believe him at his word?”

This father must have been absolutely desperate for Jesus to save his son. I know I would have been. In that moment I would probably do just about anything to have my son be saved from imminent death.

The man trusted Jesus at his word and went. Then when Jesus’ word was made good, he trusted him. In what ways do you need to trust Jesus at his word right now? Are you demanding signs or are you willing to believe and then believe?

We do not have to have a perfect faith. We simply need to be willing to trust Jesus at his word.

…or why I decided resolutions are dumb and goals are better

This year I’m trying something new. I am not going to make the normal new year’s resolutions. This is kind of a big deal for me. I am very much a resolutions kind of guy. Resolutions are inspiring to me, at least for a few hours or days (if I’m lucky).

I take it back, I’m going to make one resolution and then I’m setting goals. Very specific and clear goals.

I know, resolution and goal, these two things sound like a difference without a distinction. In my mind though, they are very different. Over the course of my life the resolution has become something that is not very specific but is very broad and open ended. Just the way I like it.

Goals on the other hand, in my mind, are specific and measurable. With goals I can ascertain whether or not I accomplished them. Did I reach or did I not reach them? If I did reach my goals, I can celebrate. If I’m not reaching my goals I can evaluate and try to change course to reach them.

The Resolution

This morning as I read the daily psalm in the lectionary, Psalm 34, it struck me that the opening stanza was my resolution for 2019.

I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad.

O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.

I resolve to bless the LORD at all times. This means that when there are trials, tribulations, joys, and celebrations, I will bless God. This idea of “blessing” God is to worship him, to trust him, to believe him in the midst of the every day life.

I also resolve to invite others into that blessing. To call those in my sphere of influence to magnify and exalt the name of God together. This will demand my engagement in community and relationship. There will be no room for “just me and Jesus.”

It may seem that I have two resolutions. But, really they are one in the same. The second is a development on the first. So, even though it appears to be two, I’m embracing it as only one.

This resolution is a mindset, an attitude toward living, a way of thinking about all that happens to me (and us) in the day to day of life. It is a challenge to embrace a perspective that demands faith, repentance, and community.

Other Resolutions Are Dumb

I suppose I better explain myself. As is typical for me, I make a bold statement here. I am sure you have 101 reasons to disagree with me, and you’re probably right. Yet, I have decided resolutions beyond the grand gesture that provides perspective are dumb.

They simply don’t work for me. Probably because I have in my mind a very different meaning for resolution and goal.

So, I’m setting some goals as I head into 2019. Goals that I can easily track, easily evaluate, and that have tangible results.

“Eat better.” That is what I now characterize as a “dumb resolution.”

“Exercise more.” This too is a “dumb resolution.”

Goal setting looks more like this:

• Exercise a minimum of 3 days a week, including 10 miles of cardio training per week.
• Track calories daily and limit intake to between 1500 and 1800.
• Get established with a primary care doctor.
• Publish a minimum of 3 blog posts per week.
• Record 30 personal podcast episodes in 2019.

Those are my personal goals for this year. They will be challenging, but I think doable. They will stretch me, but I don’t think they will break me. They will demand me to use time well, to sleep, to read, and to use social media less. The best part? I’ve already scheduled a doctor appointment! If he’s not a tool, then one of my goals will be accomplished within the first week of 2019. #BOOM

I would love to know what you resolve this year and what your goals are. So, hit me up here with a response or connect with me on Twitter and let’s hold each other accountable.

Are we following after the way of God or the way of the powers?

I have been reading a great little book by Henri Nouwen called Finding My Way Home. It’s a short collection of essays. The first essay is on the powerlessness of God. It has challenged my thinking about how God works and how we as God’s people ought to work in the world.

Have you ever considered the reality that the God of the universe, the Creator, the ultimate reality, the prime mover, the Power, chose to enter the human story by becoming fully human? Unlike the gods of the myths who held onto their great powers as they incarnated, this God of the Bible entered the story by being born of a woman. He came into the world the ordinary way, as they say.

He wasn’t born into a wealthy family. He was born into a peasant home. He didn’t live a life of luxury. He lived a life of toil and work. God lived in obscurity in the neighborhood.

Yet, it was this God who would confront and subvert the powers of the world. He would eventually defeat them and overcome them. The great victory of God over the powers didn’t happen with military might but by one who would die.

The powers tried to eliminate him early in his life when he was most vulnerable. The order went out to kill the boys of the kingdom who were born about the time he was (Matthew 2:16). Why? Because the newborn “king of the Jews,” was to be more than an ordinary king. He was to overthrow the powers and bring the people out of exile.

The powerless God fled into an exile of his own and then returned. He grew up into manhood. There was nothing special about him. He was just a guy, Joseph’s son.

All of a sudden there was a baptism, a test, and water was made into wine. The blind received sight. The lame walked. Good news was proclaimed to the poor.

None of it done from a position of power. All of it from one who was powerless in this world.

He was so utterly powerless that he was eventually arrested and murdered on a Roman cross.

That should have been the end of the story.

But God, in his utter powerlessness won the ultimate victory because it was in death that ultimate power was revealed.

For God’s foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and God’s weakness is stronger than human strength. — St Paul

There is nothing more powerless than death. Yet, in the powerlessness of God this death was what defeated the powers and ended the exile.

When we consider the reality of how God chose powerlessness and sacrifice to gain victory over the powers it begs the question, “How do we engage this world as those live by his name?”

I often see people talking about the need for the Church to have a “seat at the table.” They mean that we need Christians in positions to influence power. In other words, we need to be powerful to make change in this world.

What if we followed the way of our Lord? What would it look like to choose the way of powerlessness?

Can you imagine a world where the Christians set aside a clamor and desire for power and instead chose service and sacrifice?

American Christianity is by and large a clamor for power. The successful congregation is measured in the size of the building and the number of attendees on a Sunday. Business metrics and congregation growth metrics are one in the same. The leadership books of the church are the same as the leadership books of the corporation.

Could it be that we as the Church have missed an important and critical calling? The calling to powerlessness.

How do our Sunday experiences jive with the Master who told people to keep him a secret? The Master who challenges crowds for wanting him just for what he could give them? The Master, who was so challenging, that he had to ask his closest friends, “Will you leave me too?”

We need to take another look and ask, “Are we following the way of power or the way of powerlessness?”

The bringer of peace, emptied himself.

Have you ever noticed that some things are not the way that you would expect them to be?

When it comes to God, it seems that things are almost always upside down and backwards. We expect God to zig and he zags. We expect a warrior and he comes as an infant.

As we prepare, again, for the coming of Christ in Christmas we would do ourselves well to take a moment and consider who he is.

We are to be like him.

He is our big brother.

He is our mentor.

He is our King.

What does this great bringer of peace look like? Not at all what we expect him to be.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death — 
even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

This is the mindset and attitude of the great bringer of peace. What is yours?

An Advent conversation on the Old Testament.

In part three of the conversation, we look at joy. Particularly, I share about the surprising place that I have discovered joy, community.

An Advent Conversation on the Old Testament

Does anyone like being disciplined? I don’t. Yet, that’s part of what is happening as the people of God wait during Advent. I explore this idea a little in the part 2 of my ongoing conversation on Advent from the Old Testament.

The first episode in an Advent series from the Old Testament.

Hope. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot. But, what does it mean?

Hope at its core is an expectant waiting. I take a few minutes on Season 3’s premiere episode to talk a little about that. Give it a listen!

What if we were in a real time of waiting, just like those who came before us?

This Advent season I challenged the congregation I serve to try to engage their imaginations and be surprised by Christmas. Advent is a season of waiting and preparation for the coming of the King. The people of God waited for the Messiah to arrive for 576 years. We know he has come and so we look back on that time of waiting.

But, what if we didn’t have to engage our imaginations? What if, we are in another time of waiting and preparation? What if, we have been waiting even longer for Advent to come to an end than our ancestors?

We have.

We who are on the other side of the resurrection know that Christ has come, that he has lived, that he has died, and that he has risen. We know that he sits at the right of the Father.

Yet, we still wait.

We wait for his second coming, the ultimate coming of the Christ when he finally makes all things right and makes all things new. When he wipes away every tear, when faith becomes sight.

The first century followers of Jesus were waiting with baited breath for his return. So much so, that some of the early leaders in the Church had to remind them to go to work and care for their families, because God does not work on our schedule.

Still, here we are two thousand years later and we wait.

Two thousand years later and the Christ has not returned. We continue on seeking to be the body of Christ wherever we are.

Two thousand years later we are still working out what it means to love our neighbor as ourselves.

Two thousand years later we are in Advent.

The difference between then and now is that there was a resurrection. The difference between then and now is that the Holy Spirit lives in us.

But, just like then, we wait.

Check out what Jude (yes, I know you’re humming Hey Jude! now, get out of your system, you good? OK,):

But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. — Jude 20–21

We build one another in our faith. We pray in the Holy Spirit. We keep ourselves in God’s love.

AND WE WAIT.

How are you waiting? Who are you building up? Are you praying? How are you loving well?

To wait with patient expectancy is an active waiting. It is not passive.

I think as we seek to live this way we experience something deep within ourselves. We will experience joy.

My hunch is this, if you are not a joyful person then you are not building others up, you are not praying, and you are not seeking to love well. If we engage in these activities then we can’t help but be joyful.

When we hold firm in the face of adversity we discover joy.

Approximately eighteen months ago I was plunged into a dark night of the soul. I stepped off a cliff and began to experience something that is commonly called, “deconstruction.” All of the answers about God, faith, and Jesus fell apart. They all seemed thin. None of them appeared to be grounded in anything substantial.

I was wrestling with faith and doubt in ways that I had never known. It was hard and frustrating and utterly painful. I desperately wanted to escape from this period of my life.

I wanted all the answers to make sense again.

My greatest desire was to hear God’s voice and feel God’s presence like I had when I was younger.

But, his voice stayed silent. His presence seemed absent.

So, I searched.

I waited.

I cried out.

I waited more.

I searched again.

I cried out again and again.

Then, God did something. He made himself known to me in his people. He showed me himself through the people who call themselves his. From that moment on I’ve had a new song, a new faith, a clearer sense of the reality and beauty and mystery of God.

I rediscovered joy.

David wrote a poem that resonates with me like it never has before. Here’s the first stanza:

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him. — Psalm 40:1–3

One of my favorite bands, U2, recorded a version of this psalm and it has become an anthem for me. I leave you with it:

Last night my wife and I had a conversation with our son about how I, “make people mad.” It was kind of a fun conversation because my wife kept saying, “Your dad is not a jerk about things, well, he used to be, but he’s not any more. Now, he simply knows what is right and true and he doesn’t back down.”

Those were really encouraging words for me because as I shared yesterday, I have had to be “humbled” quite a bit. But, now when I “make people mad” it’s often because they simply don’t like what they are hearing.

It turns out that when you have integrity and character those are really subversive traits in today’s society.

Some Scripture

This morning I was reading about John the Baptist in Matthew 3. He was a guy that had integrity, character, and spoke the truth. He knew who he was and who he wasn’t. He embraced his identity. I love what he says here in verse 11,

I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.

How different is his attitude than ours? Can you imagine a pastoral transition where the outgoing pastor says of the incoming one, “Folks, this guy is such a great man that I’m not even worthy to carry his shoes.”

What usually happens?

Usually, the outgoing pastor has either been fired or if he’s retiring and trying to pass off the baton he sticks around and makes life miserable for the new guy.

These are the moments that show us what a person’s character and integrity are. Can we come to terms with the reality of who we are not? This was one of the key things about John being a man of integrity, he knew who he wasn’t. He wasn’t the Christ and let everyone know.

Do you know what happened to John the Baptist?

He lost his head.

Quite literally.

The powers that be didn’t like him and had his head removed from his neck.

It turns out that being a person of integrity and character was pretty subversive in the first century too.

So What?

What does any of this have to do with Advent and joy? That’s a great question. I think that one of the ways that we experience joy is in the context of living out of our identity. Being who we are in every sphere of influence we find ourselves in.

What I mean is this: We are to be the same person at home, at work, at play, with family, with friends, and with strangers. We are to live a life that is integrated and is based in who we are and the acceptance of who we are not.

When we live this way we will begin to experience joy. Not necessarily happiness. When you live with integrity and character it is not always going to be easy (thankfully you probably won’t lose your head), and so you might not necessarily be happy. However, joy is deeper and more enduring than happiness.

Joy is a sense of contentment knowing who you are and how you are to live.

…said nobody ever.

Seriously. Who says stuff like this? When you’re in the midst of being “humbled,” do you think, “Boy howdy! This is great!”

I sure don’t.

When I was in college, I was in a Bible study with a couple of other guys. We were leaders in our CRU movement at Central Michigan University. Each week we began with 15–30 minutes known as, “What did Dan do wrong this week.” Our poor small group leader would have a laundry list of stupid things that I had said or done.

It was definitely, humbling.

I definitely didn’t enjoy it.

I most certainly didn’t think it was good.

However, as I look back at these times I realize that they were some of the most significant moments in my life. It was then that I began to learn how to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me.” During these months I also learned when to have boundaries and stand up for myself when I was in the right.

“What did Dan do wrong this week,” shaped me in ways that I’m still experiencing to this day.

I was reading in Psalm 119 today and ran across this line,

It is good for me that I was humbled, so that I might learn your statutes.

Psalm 119:71

This is one of the truest and most discomforting lines of poetry that I have ever read.

We all know it’s true too. Each of us knows that it takes us being humbled to really learn.

It is indeed good for me that I was humbled, so that I might learn who God is and know his grace.

This week in Advent is the week of joy. It turns out that being humbled has brought me great joy. That joy resides not in comfort but in the fact that I have been transformed and that in the process of being humbled I have known grace.

Originally published at danielmrose.com on December 19, 2018.

There’s a famous Advent reading that I’ve always found to be really weird. It’s Isaiah 9:6 and I read it again today. Check it out in the NIV:

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and peace

It’s beautiful and traditional and points us to the majestic beauty of the coming Messiah. I absolutely love this verse. Yet, it’s super weird too.

First, the “government will be on his shoulders,” has never sat well with me. It’s felt so out of place and really never made sense to me. When I read the passage this morning it was in a translation of the Bible that I had never read it out from before, the NRSV. It translates the phrase this way, “authority rests upon his shoulders.”

I had an “AHA” moment.

My guess is that for many of you this is nothing new. But, for me it was a “WOAH! I get it! WHAT!?” kind of moment.

Authority: the power to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues or disputes; jurisdiction; the right to control, command, or determine.

When I think of the reality that Jesus has authority, particularly the power to settle issues, it brings so much into laser focus for me. Throughout the prophets in the Old Testament we see the people of God being put on trial by God, in a sense. We also see the people of God putting God on trial too. They are found guilty of setting God aside and end up being exiled.

Yet, there is this promise of the Messiah to come. The one who would bring them home. This weird little verse gives us a glimpse into the foundation for the Messiah to be able to do that. It is because he has authority. He has the power to settle issues.

Second, the other weird thing about this verse is the “wonderful counselor” bit. I always had in my head a picture of God with a notebook doing counseling. Today though, with my “AHA” moment on the “government” issue, I realized that I should look more deeply into the “wonderful counselor” bit too.

The word “counselor” could be understood as “strategist.” The NET Bible translates the phrase, “extraordinary strategist.”

Again, “AHA!”

The kind of counselor we are talking about is the kind of person that was wise and strategic. These are two of the things that I see in Jesus ministry and here they are, on display, in this prophecy.

I mean, come on.

You know, I have been studying the Bible a long time and have told people for years to check different translations, etc… Isn’t it funny how going back to the basics can be such a big deal?

Originally published at danielmrose.com on December 18, 2018.

In theological circles there are some technical words that get applied to certain perspectives of theology. I am what is known as a “monergist.” Simply put, this means that I believe God does all the work in bringing about salvation. It is purely by his grace and mercy and there is nothing that we can do to add to our salvation or to bring it about.

Sometimes we also need to talk about what something doesn’t mean. Being a “monergist” doesn’t meant that I hold to some sort of cold, impersonal determinism. It also doesn’t mean that I don’t think we have any responsibility regarding our spiritual lives.

Two things are becoming more clear to me in these days. First, the way salvation works is a mystery. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to unravel the definite machinations of the how.

This mystery is beautiful and glorious and intriguing and messy.

Second, we have a responsibility to support our faith. Peter writes,

For this very reason, you must make every effort to support your faith with goodness, and goodness with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with endurance, and endurance with godliness, and godliness with mutual affection, and mutual affection with love.

2 Peter 1:5–7

This passage starts with a “For this very reason…” The very reason that Peter is pointing to is in verse 4 where he says that we “…become participants of the divine nature.”

The contemporary idea that faith is nothing more than eternity insurance has no place in Christianity.

When we say we are trusting Christ, or following Christ, or that we are “saved,” it means that we are participating with Christ in the divine nature. This is called “union with Christ.”

If we are participating in the divine nature then our lives will begin to look different. I love how Peter says that we must “make every effort to support your faith.” There is a distinction that he makes there. Our faith is not something that we work up, it’s a gift, it’s given to us by God. But then we have a responsibility to do something with it.

Have you known of athletes who are members of the “Coulda Been Great” Society? I sure do. These are athletes that had tons of raw, God-given ability, and yet they did nothing with it. They were given a gift and didn’t develop it.

The same is true of our faith. We are called to act upon our faith. It is to practically change us. Our lives should be different because of our faith.

Goodness.

Knowledge.

Self-control.

Endurance.

Godliness.

Mutual affection.

Love.

Do you see the progression here? Take a moment and ask yourself how you’re doing. It’s OK to take a little stock every now and then. Are you supporting your faith by practicing goodness? Pursuing knowledge? Practicing self-control? Enduring? Seeking to be godly? Practicing mutual affection? And, loving?

In many ways you could summarize this with, “Don’t be a jerk.” Or, “Love your neighbor.” Or, “Be a good person.”

This week is the third week of Advent with its focus on joy. The joy of this week is the sure and certain knowledge that our king is coming. The thing is, when our king comes our lives will need to look different. True joy, the joy that goes beyond being happy, is based and rooted in our identity. We experience joy when we are living out who we are.

If your life was marked by goodness, knowledge, self-control, endurance, godliness, mutual affection, and love how much joy would know? How much joy would experience?

My friends, support your faith with your life. Live a life that honors our King and you will know JOY.

Originally published at danielmrose.com on December 17, 2018.

When you hear the word “confession,” how do you feel? It makes me a bit uncomfortable. I am not all that excited about airing all my dirty laundry.

When you hear the word “sin,” how do you feel? If you’re like most of us these days you probably think, “Who are you to judge? Jerk.”

Something that I keep trying to lean into in my life is reality. I want to honestly assess myself. That whole “know thyself” thing has become a near obsession. There is great power in understanding ourselves, our passions, our calling, our longings, and our brokenness.

Too often I find that I try to talk myself out of my brokenness. When I mess up in relationships with others or myself, I typically try to argue it away. When I’m unloving or uncaring, I usually project my brokenness onto others.

Owning our own stuff is really hard to do. It demands us to practice the ancient spiritual discipline of confession.

I’m a protestant and this act of confession is made a bit harder for me because there is no standard practice of it in my tradition. My Catholic friends who are serious about their faith go and make confession regularly to their priest. There is an understanding that they need this and they need someone to hear their confession.

For us protestants we have held to the idea that confession is something just between us and God. Which it is, but not “just.” Why? Because we need someone who will say, “Is there anything else? Did you lie to me?”

Confession is good for the soul. It is good for our well-being. Owning our sin and getting rid of it is like oxygen for our spirit. I love the image of spiritual breathing. The picture that you exhale your sin (like carbon dioxide) and inhale grace (like oxygen).

The ancient Jewish king, David, wrote a poem where he says,

Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Happy are those to whom the LORD imputes no iniquity, and whose spirit is no deceit.

While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

Psalm 32:1–4

Two things stand out to me in this poem. First there is happiness when we know we are forgiven. There is happiness in the experiential knowledge of grace. Second, holding onto sin in silence kills us from the inside out.

In another poem this same king writes,

Sing praises to the LORD, O you his faithful ones, and give thanks to his holy name.

For his anger is but for a moment; his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Psalm 30:4–5

When I confess my sin to another, when I confess my sin to God, my greatest fear is anger. I worry that they will break the relationship. With those who are faithful friends, like God, their anger is momentary. Usually it is not even anger so much as disappointment. But their favor lasts a lifetime.

When I invite friends into my confession they become for me agents of grace. They speak words of grace to me.

When grace comes then comes joy.

Tomorrow morning we will light the third candle of Advent, the joy candle. Truly joy comes in the morning.

Originally published at danielmrose.com on December 15, 2018.