Dedicated to Jay and Vince, both of whom are now Daddys.

When I would look at men who had little girls there was something different about them. They had this look about them that was different from those of us with only sons. There was a tenderness in their eyes as they would watch their daughters play or walk or sleep. There was a gentleness to how they handled their little girls. And, there was the look of incredible love when that little girl would look back over her shoulder at her daddy.



The day, the moment, that Libby was born, I understood. There is something unique about little girls. They are sweet and gentle. You look at their face and know that soon you will hear that little voice whisper, “Daddy.” Just knowing that your heart melts, just the thought of it. I love my son with all that I am. He is my buddy, my partner. But there is something different about my Libby. It’s hard to explain.

There is just something special about the love of a Daddy toward his little girl. A desire to protect her. A desire to keep her safe from the fallen world. The reality that another will come along one day and make her his own. Knowing that some day she will wear a white dress and take the hand of another man. She will not always be all mine.

I don’t know. There is something intangible about the love of a father to a daughter. I can not possibly do it justice. All I know is that I love her and get lost as I watch her. All I know is that I see her Mommy in her and know that she is an amazing gift that is to be cherished and loved only to be given away.

The scene is Haiti is horrific. The cries for help. The reality of people being buried alive. The dead littering the streets. The pain, chaos, and heartbreak enveloping a country that is already impoverished and broken. To this situation Pat Robertson on the 700 Club today spoke. He stated among other things that it was a “blessing in disguise”. Check out this video and then read my response:

[youtube=[www.youtube.com/watch](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5TE99sAbwM&w=425&h=350])

This response is heartless, cruel, and un-pastoral. My good friend Scott Crocker has posted a wonderful response and I would encourage you to read it. Near the end of this clip Mr. Robertson speaks of a pact made with the devil. This is a rumor, an urban legend. It may have happened, it might not have happened.

We seek to find meaning out of tragedy, it is our natural response. To make this tragedy into something other than it is simply smacks of pretentious self-righteousness. The sad fact is that we live in a world that is broken. It is broken at every level. St. Paul tells us “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.(Romans 8:18–23 ESV)”

You see the creation is longing for its own redemption. What happened in Haiti is not the result of an act of a vengeful God. It is not the act of a God who was tired of waiting for the Haitians to build big buildings. No, this was the result of the tragedy that took place in the Garden. This is the outworking of the fall.

I am thankful that Mr. Robertson called for prayer and compassion at the end of this clip. However, his call is empty and meaningless due to his previous comments. I believe that Mr. Robertson believed that he was speaking truth. He spoke without love though and became a “resounding gong.”

The old saying goes, “It takes one to know one.” Sadly, I know a lack of gentleness, an absence of compassion, and graceless truth. It takes one to know one. I know one.

I am learning that you must be careful about what you ask for, you just might get it. That’s right, I think I am getting what I asked for. Heaven help me!



In my quieter moments, a number of years ago, I would have told you that I would like to start something from the ground up. I think at the time I looked at things like history and tradition and fel that they were rubbish. I still feel that way, most of the time. However, I am learning that history or backstory is important. It provides you with a road map for the reasons why people are the way they are. It gives you insight into ministry mindsets and culture. Backstory, history, tradition: they are important.

Important though they may be these things are the cost of vision. If you have a vision, a dream, a desire it comes to you in power only if you are unhappy with the status quo. There have been many times in my life when I have had vision. I think I am in one of those times. But vision comes at a cost, it costs the status quo. It costs the sacred cows. It costs comfort and ease. The one with the vision does not pay this price because they have already lost their comfort and ease as a result of their broken heart that leads them to vision. No, this cost is paid by those to whom the vision is cast. This makes setting a new course pretty difficult, if not impossible.

A few years ago I read, Visioneering by Andy Stanley. One of the key components in that book is that people need to hear the vision over and over and over (and then over again!). What was assumed in the book was that the one casting the vision had a pulpit, microphone, and captive audience. So how do you this without a captive audience, microphone, or pulpit?

Well, it turns out when you are fumbling your way through you don’t do it very well. It’s something that has to change in my ministry. I have to get the vision out to three audiences: volunteers, students, and parents. These three audiences are vastly different. It’s no wonder that “youth pastors” burn out so quickly. I am trusting that as I am coming to this conclusion it will help me communicate the vision, mission, and values of the movement I lead more effectively.

But, it will come at a cost. It will come at the cost of comfort, ease, and tradition. I understand the picture. I am the dog and the vision is the rocket. The question is: Is there a guidance system? I hope so. I need one.

Youth Specialties just dropped a post over on their blog about Passion 2010. The heart of the post was that college students in any number have incredible potential to change the world. This is so true. It’s the whole reason movements like Campus Crusade for Christ, InterVarsity, and Navigators exist. I love that conferences like Passion are springing up and highlighting the potential of the emerging generation. 

I think that there is a larger conversation that needs to take place and that is a conversation about power. In the church (and in every other institution) there are multiple generations existing together under one tent. The question is how will the generations that are older begin the process of taking on new roles? The generation that populates the leadership of most churches is the generation of the Jesus Movement. It saw incredible mobilization toward causes that was bigger than itself. It was a generation of radicals that forcibly took power in politics and church. It is the generation that created the “mega-church”. It figured out how to reach a de-churched population with skill and wisdom. The emerging generations need to be grateful for what has been done.

But, now is the time for the established leaders of the church (50s+) to realize that they must enter into a new leadership role. The time is now for them unlock the potential of the emerging generations. They need to actively choose to not become like their parents/grandparents. The “Great Generation” would not yield power and become coaches so the “Boomer” struck out on their own and created it’s own institution. Now, will they choose to embrace the leadership of the emerging generations? Will they listen? Will they hear what the culture is like NOW? Will they determine to bring emerging leaders up and hand over precious power and set aside their preferences to reach the next generation?

Youth Specialties and Passion are right. There is incredible potential in the emerging generations. But will it be coached and brought to maturity or will it be required to makes it own course and not come to maturity until they reach their 50s?

In Allender’s matrix the first challenge is that of crisis. What do you do when the world comes crashing down around you? Thankfully I have not faced any huge crises in my time as a leader. I have experienced personal ones within the context of my family but not so much in the context of ministry. This is God’s grace. 

In these crises though I know that I experience the pull to cowardice. I want so badly for there to be someone else who can take on the problem and have the hard conversations and to make the decisions that nobody wants to make. I feel it. My hands sweat. My stomach gets upset. My breathing quickens and my heart pounds.

Thankfully I had a model of courage when I was a boy. My mother was and is one of the most courageous people that I know. It’s remarkable how courageous she is. With three young children she worked full-time, went to school full-time, and made sure we did not become screw-ups. She had hard conversations. She did hard things. She didn’t hide. She faced it, all of it.

When I think of the crises that we have faced as a family over the last five years and I think about how I responded I know it’s because of the model that she was. I think that in the face of crises I actually move into courage. I think I move there because I remember my mom’s story and I embrace it as my own.

Allender says that a limping leader understands, “I don’t know if I am right, not am I sure the path chosen is the best, but after reflection, feedback, debate, and prayer, I am choosing this path. In the process, I will seek life life like water and drink death like wine. A confident leader remembers her own story of redemption. She remembers that in the past God has been good to giver her favor and a way out of disaster; therefore, she borrows from the past to invest in the crisis du jour (74–75).”

That’s courage. Courage is embracing the narrative that God is writing in you and seeing the redemption that he has wrought. Then you grab hold of that fact and drink it like water.

Thanks mom.

My latest sermon:

[podcast]https://danielmrose.com/wp-content/uploads/100103-Reduced.mp3[/podcast]

My latest sermon:

[podcast]https://danielmrose.com/wp-content/uploads/Grace-091227.mp3[/podcast]

The Backyard Missionary posted recently on some thoughts about holiness by Alan Hirsch. It was interesting to see these ideas in front of me, nearly 15 years after I first heard them. I had been dating Amy (now my bride) for a few months. At the time I was new to this whole follow Jesus thing in every aspect of your life and the guy who was teaching me to walk with Jesus (Matt) wanted to have a conversation about my dating relationship. That was weird.

So, Matt and I headed to the Bovee University Center on the campus of Central Michigan University and grabbed a table in the Down Under Club. It was awkward as he asked me some really personal questions. I told him what he wanted to hear (whether or not it was the truth is another story). Then Matt asked me what I thought the statement, “Be holy as I am holy” meant. Well, I listed off as many rules of good Christian moralism as I could muster and Matt took it in. This was not his first time around the block. He smiled and asked, “Is that it?” I squirmed (not smiling) and replied, “Yeah.”

At that point Matt flipped my entire grid of what it means to be holy. He changed the way I thought because he opened my eyes tot the reality that I was focusing on all the things that I couldn’t do and still honor God with my life. The key thing, Matt explained, was what we could do. We could be holy. We could choose to live our lives in such a way that shows the world around us that we are different.

I had never thought about it like that. I thought following Jesus meant that I needed to understand the rules. The reality is that the rules aren’t the point. The point was living like someone and as opposed to not like someone. It’s so much easier to watch someone model something and do it than figuring out how not to do it. You see Jesus lived life the way we ought to live life. He lived it full, he lived it fun, he lived it on the edge. Do I? Do you? Jesus was called a drunk and a glutton. Most of us would only be mistaken for Tom Sawyer’s good-goody cousin Sid.

Holiness pushes us out to the brink. Holiness challenges us in ways that makes us uncomfortable. Holiness subverts our ordinary lives and causes us to live life on the edge where only angels dare to walk.

There is a saying, “One is the loneliest number.” For many years I thought one was not all that lonely but a nice change of pace. I think that’s because in my former life as a staff member with Campus Crusade for Christ there was such a crushing emphasis on team that you almost couldn’t escape it. I am not an introvert by nature so for one to feel not lonely is saying something. I have been a “pastor” for one year now. I am coming to the conclusion that “pastor” equals “one”. I want there to be a team around me.

I desire for there to be a team around me. But, the nature of the office is that there is the pastor (full-time, on duty, Christian-type) and then there are those around the pastor (people who are working out their faith in REAL life, in the REAL world, here and now). It seems to me that those around the pastor are amazing, awe-inspiring actually. I mean they work, they work hard all day for some company somewhere and then they work, and work hard in the context of the church. Pastors become pastors because (and let’s be honest here) they can’t or are unwilling to do that (yes, I understand there is an aspect of being called by God to vocationally serve his church, please don’t think I am missing that or downplaying it, I am not; I feel very called and very led to vocational service. I also know that if I wasn’t in vocational service I wouldn’t serve to the level that I do).

Leadership requires one to plan, prepare, and set direction. This takes place as we dream, think through the possibilites of how to make this dream work, and then begin to put it into practice. This is very easy to do in the context of the parachurch (relatively speaking). You have a team of full-time professional staff who are committed to the mission of the organization. There is already a base of like-mindedness or they would not have spent the time they did to raise all that money. Now you come to the church context where everyone (and I mean everyone) has their own idea of mission, direction, and praxis. There is only a handful of professional staff (all of which are working in specialized areas) and there are volunteers. The volunteers care deeply for the people they are ministering to but generally don’t have a broader desire to lead, cast vision, or set direction.

As a result this means that for the pastor there is much that must be done alone. However, this is then compounded by the reality that he must bring his volunteers along and up to speed with his dreams and vision. This requires the pastor to be a coach. I stink as a coach. I am a terrible coach. I am pretty good at casting vision, setting direction, and bringing change, however, I am not good at bringing others along with me.

So, what does this mean? I think it means that I have to learn to hold certain things more loosely and do a significantly better job at bringing people into the conversation at the beginning of the process as opposed to the end. This means that I have to cast vision to them to help them see how important it is for them to set direction with me. I think I see why Dan Allender calls his book “Leading With a Limp”.

It turns out that people are actually taking this stuff I write seriously! It also turns out that when I post something it is no longer for me but for the world to read. Oh right, I wrote about that.

Well, today I cam face to face with one of my weaknesses in our staff meeting. I realized today, in light of a great conversation around a big table, that my Achiever combined with Futuristic makes it hard for me to field questions regarding vision and direction (see my page on my personal strengths here). I take in so much information and I am constantly learning that my vision and direction are based on good strategic information. The details of the conversation aren’t important. What is important is that for the first time in a long time I was actually aware of how my brokenness was being displayed.

I realized today that I need divine intervention so that I might be more gentle, not some wishy-washy gentleness, but the kind of gentleness that meets people where they are. I am comfortable with being like this in relationships with people who are not in relationship with God, however, I struggle to live this way alongside those who are.

Why?

I don’t know, that’s why I am writing and processing and limping my way through all this. Thanks to those around the table who are willing to enter in with me in spite of how broken I am.

As I said yesterday I am going to work through and begin to try and identify the weaknesses that I have. Before doing that though I need to show you the matrix that Allender developed in for the challenges that leaders face and their potential responses. It’s helpful and it’s a bit of a diagnostic tool. It also provides a good grid for framing the discussion.

There are five leadership challenges with which every leader comes face to face. I have re-created the grids that Allender developed on pages 8 and 9 of Leading With Limp.

The challenges are obvious. I don’t think that anyone would doubt them. If you do doubt them then, I would have to assume that you have never led for any length of time. Now consider these five ineffective responses. Which of them do you most struggle with? I want to pick and choose. Yet, as I honestly evaluate my own leadership I think that I have failed in every one of the categories.

The effective solutions are the places where we want to get to. I find that courage is easier for me. The reality that I have to grapple with is that the ineffective responses are easier to control. If I am going to legitimately move into these effective solutions the core of my being, of who I am, has to be open to change. If it is not then I simply will not get there.

One note of hope, I don’t want you to think (or me to think) that I am a constant failure in leadership. I think that in many ways I lead well. I think that there are times when I actually live out the effective solutions that are listed above. I simply am aware that I have a very long way to go.

Dan Allender says, “So here’s the hard truth: if you’re a leader, you’re in the battle of your life.” Welcome to a challenging text called Leading With a Limp. This is a book that was given to me by a man who mentored me for six years, on the day of my ordination he mailed it to me. I finally got around to reading it this Advent season and what I read has brought me to a place where I need to re-evaluate how I have been leading. I have not been leading with a limp.

The assumption of Allender’s book is this, “To the degree you face and name and deal with your failures as a leader, to that same extent you will create an environment conducive to growing and retaining productive committed colleagues (2)”. He goes on to say, “To the degree you attempt to hide or dissemble your weaknesses, the more you will need to control those you lead, the more insecure you will become, and the more rigidity you will impose — prompting the ultimate departure of your best people (3).” These are the presuppositions. They are truthful and if you have been in leadership for any length of time you have experienced these statements in an all to painful way.

In the swath of leadership literature that I have read this book is changing the way I think about leading. Allender is not calling for leaders to be “authentic” and “self-disclose”. He is calling for leaders to do more. He is calling us to embrace our weaknesses and then in the company of those we lead to take our weaknesses apart piece by piece. This is not a “work on your weaknesses” kind of effort. This is an embracing of our brokenness that will necessarily lead us to a place of humility and in search of grace.

As I consider my leadership in the past I realize that more often than not I ignore my weaknesses, I write them off. I ask for forgiveness when I offend. I have never considered the idea of inviting those on my team into my weakness. I am going to process some of my weaknesses out here and subvert myself. Other weaknesses will have to be embraced elsewhere. In all of them, I need to invite people in. To live out of my strengths (which I am going to post soon too) I need to dismantle the atomic bomb of my weakness.

On January 1 Charlie Rose had a montage of his best interviews. Well, we usually put Charlie on in the background and fall asleep to him. I suppose it’s gentle North Carolina accent or the intonation of his voice but he knocks us out pretty quickly. In one particular clip he was interviewing Frank McCourt, the author of Angela’s Ashes and ’Tis. McCourt said, “Religion is good at guilt.” For some reason that idea stuck in my head and I have been thinking about it ever since.

Is religion good at guilt? I suppose so. Religion is a man made attempt at controlling other people and at the same time seeking to make people feel better about themselves. But, if you are going to control other people then you can’t possibly clear their shame ridden consciences with something like grace. No, you must make them work for it. They must work hard for it and they must comprehend that whenever they slip up they need to work even harder because the scorecard is now unbalanced. They can’t get ahead until after their dead, possibly, and the right people think they were especially good.

You see, religion is good at guilt. Religion is about control and power. It is about controlling those around us and exerting power over them so that we can continue to stay in control. I think this is what is so incredibly subversive about Jesus. He was unwilling to grab the power and control. He was willing to set aside controlling power and offer up grace. This grace changed the world. It’s interesting when you think about following after Jesus you aren’t required to do anything. But, when you come to terms with the reality that you aren’t required to do anything it compels you to do something.

I think this is what makes Jesus so compelling to me and also makes me sad when I look at this world with supposedly 1/3 or so of its residents claiming to follow him. It seems to me that maybe many of us might not understand this grace in a way that we ought and that has kept us from being compelled.

I have recently noticed that people who are supposed to be academics, people who are supposed to be representing an intellectual position, are becoming increasingly snarky towards those who disagree with them. I am especially noticing this in the intelligent design/evolution debate that seems to be gearing up again. It’s interesting to me that many on both sides of the debate start, continue, and end with name calling. They refer to one another in demeaning tones. I see this happening in the political debate too. Where ever an issue has two sides with strong feelings it seems that emotion takes precedence over reasoned intellect.



I think the reason for this is found in a comment by Wendell Berry in his essay, “A Few Words in Favor of Edward Abbey”. He is discussing Abbey’s tendency to tip sacred cows. Berry’s says, “Any human product or activity that humans defend as a category becomes, by the very fact, a sacred cow — in need, by the same fact, of an occasional goosing (Berry, 42).” In our current cultural milieu we struggle for meaning and for finger holds. Therefore, we tend to categorize everything and everyone. This categorizing leads to the development of multiple “consecrated bovines (Berry, 42).” As these cows begin to fill our world we are constantly bumping up against someone’s deeply personal category and they defend it with passion. When sacred cows are engaged the one protecting them flares the nostril and becomes a raging bull.

This kind of debate and conversation is wholly unhelpful. If we are to engage with meaning and purpose with those of other perspectives and worldviews there must be a willingness on both parties to discuss rationally and with grace. What is the purpose of just being snarky? What is the point of just making fun of someone you believe to be wrong on an important issue? Can you not bring to the table more than one liners designed to gain the smiling head nod of your supporters?

References:

Berry, Wendell. What are People For? North Point Press: San Francisco, 1990.

Equipped for Adventure: A Practical Guide to Short-Term Mission Trips by Scott Kirby was published in 2006 by New Hope Publishers. It is a handbook for making short-term mission trips happen. This is a holistic treatment of the process of making short-term missions a centerpiece of your church’s ministry. Kirby casts vision, answers criticisms, and then proceeds step by step through the process of planning, organizing, actuating, and following up a mission trip.



I found this to be a helpful text. Kirby provides the busy minister or volunteer with a guide to make missions a reality in any context. I thought one of the most enlightening conversations in the book was in reference to partnerships. The discussion helps to provide a matrix for understanding when and with whom a partnership ought to be formed.

I also found the Appendices to helpful. These provide the resources to carry out the ideas and concepts taught in the book. This is key. So many other books on mission leave out the applicable. I strongly recommend this book for those who are looking to begin doing short-term missions or bring focus to their church’s mission program.