Daniel Rose: The Pastor Next Door

Answering one question can start the journey.

I recently shared a before and after picture one year apart on my social feeds. It sparked congratulations and a lot of kind words. Over the last eighteen months I have lost over 100 lbs. My entire body has changed. I see old pictures and it doesn’t even seem like I’m the same person.

Do you want to know something interesting? When I look in the mirror I don’t really see much change at all. I will catch myself walking past a mirror and think, “wow! I’ve changed!” Then as I continue to look at myself I can almost see my body transform back to the “old me” in the mirror.

It’s weird.

Many of the comments and conversations I have around this journey are about how hard it must be to be on a diet and how hard it is to exercise regularly. Folks are impressed by the consistency and perseverance. Often people want the “playbook.” They want the nuts and bolts about how I got here. I gladly share it with them, but more times than not, their eyes glass over.

The thing is, this really is a journey. It’s my own personal hero journey. There are ups and downs. There are obstacles and pitfalls. There have been big successes and some big failures too.

A number of years ago after my second child, Libby, was born I lost a lot of weight. I wanted to to do it for “the kids.” Life was pretty easy and I dropped the weight.

A few years later, life got stressful. I gained all the weight back and kept it on for almost twenty years.

There were diets here and there and I lost some weight and I gained it back.

But, then something changed.

—

Over the last ten years I have become obsessed with trying to wrap my head and heart around two ideas. These two ideas are things that I come back to over and over again. I feel like they are all I talk about and think about.

Love and grace.

I suppose it shouldn’t be all that surprising that a pastor thinks about love and grace (well, these days with the state of American Christianity perhaps it is). For the longest time I was more interested in truth and righteousness.

I wanted to be right. I knew I had the truth. More than anything I wanted people to embrace the truth and see that I was right so that they would be able to know what I knew. You could say, I was a bit of tool, and you’d be right. I was arrogant and self-consumed. I was not all that kind.

In the background of all that there was a nagging question, “What’s so amazing about grace?” It had been posited to me by my friend and mentor, Bob. This question just floated around in the background like a little soundtrack that I tried to ignore.

Over the last ten years that question wouldn’t remain in the background. It exploded into the foreground and with it came the question, “What is unconditional love?”

—

“What does any of this have to do with a journey toward losing weight?”

Great question.

In some ways it doesn’t have anything to do with it and at the same time it has everything to do with it.

My journey hasn’t been a journey of weight loss. My journey, my hero journey, has been a journey of health. Physical health is but one aspect. And, it’s almost the least important aspect of the journey! It’s a consequence of a pursuit of love and grace. As I pursued these things I started becoming more aware of my need to be a healthy person. This meant a healthy spirituality, healthy emotionally, and healthy relationally along with the physical.

I titled this, Start with “Why?”, because when I finally got rolling on my journey it was when I had finally come to the realization that I loved me.

I loved me enough to exercise.
I loved me enough to change my eating habits.
I loved me enough to be intentional about relationships.
I loved me enough to doggedly pursue my spiritual life.

As I set out on this journey eighteen months ago it was not for my wife or for my children. It was not to get healthy.

I took the first step on the journey because I had finally come to the place where I loved me.

—

I had to confront my lack of love for myself.

Jesus said, “Love your neighbors as yourself”. It struck me that love of neighbor was limited by my ability to love myself. How I treated myself was in some way a reflection of how I loved my neighbor. I was becoming obsessed with the idea of “loving well”, which for me is the incorporation of love and grace. But, to really do that, to truly and thoroughly love well, I had to love me.

I’m convinced that the first step in the journey toward health has to start with, “Why?”

I am also convinced that if the why doesn’t include “because I love me” then the journey is likely derailed from the beginning. The journey toward health (spiritual, relational, emotional, physical) is the hardest thing that I’ve entered into. If it wasn’t rooted in love, I don’t think I would have continued.

Because the journey is rooted in love, grace is always nipping at the heels. Grace frees me from legalism. Grace in the midst of perseverance opens the door to stumble and fall and get back up knowing that I’m still embraced and accepted.

—

“How did you do it?”

Love and grace my friend, love and grace.

A couple of years ago I read a book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. He tells the story of a friend who went on a weight loss journey. To begin this journey his friend started a habit of going to the gym. At this point you might be thinking, “Well, of course he did.” But here’s the kicker, he never went in. Every day he drove to the gym and parked in the parking lot.

What a strange thing to do, I thought. It surely didn’t make any sense to me when I initially read it. I stopped and pondered why would he do something so strange before continuing to read. I wanted to try and figure it out. For the life of me, I couldn’t. It just didn’t make any sense.

Eventually, as you would expect, his friend began going into the gym. But, he didn’t work out. He just went in. Then, he started exercising but only did one set of one movement. Then he left. But, then he started working out regularly and changed his physical state of health.

What was happening in this story?

This man was changing his identity.

When he started his journey he was not someone who exercised. To become someone who exercised he needed to become someone who went to the gym. He wasn’t that guy either. He had to become a person who went tot he gym before he could become a person who exercised. So, at the most basic of levels he became a person who went to the gym.

This story deeply resonated with me.

I had begun figuring out my why. I was beginning to learn what it meant to love me. But, there was a second question that I needed to wrestle with, “Who am I?”

What kind of person am I?

I began to work through a series of “I am…” statements related to health.

I am a spiritually healthy person. What does this mean? What does a spiritually healthy person look like? What kinds of practices does a spiritually healthy person have in their lives?

I am a relationally healthy person. What does a relationally healthy person look like? What kinds of relationships do they have? How do they orient their time? What kinds of boundaries does this person have?

I am an emotionally healthy person. What does this look like? How do I lean into working on emotional health? Are there signs of not being emotionally healthy that need to be addressed?

I am a physically healthy person. What kind of person is physically healthy? What is true of this person? What practices are in place for a person to by physically healthy?

Notice that these were statements followed by questions. They were not questions followed by more questions. I began to change the way I thought of myself.

I am…

As my self-identity began to change things became easier and easier.

When I went out to dinner I would look at the menu and ask myself, “What would a physically healthy person order here?” Then I would order that because I am a physically healthy person.

Self-identifying as a “physically healthy person” also helped getting physically active much easier. On the many mornings that I don’t want to hit the gym I think to myself, “A physically healthy person goes to the gym. I am a physically healthy person, so I will go to the gym.”

As I grow in my new self-identity as a healthy person (spiritually, reltionally, emotionally, and physically) I find making decisions to be easier. I am also finding that there are other things that are beginning to happen. For instance, part of my new identity is that I’m a person who goes to they gym three days a week and lifts weights. That’s who I am now.

In the past, I was a person who was on a diet.

Diets are something that end.

As a person on a diet I would eventually become a person not on a diet. This meant that when I wasn’t on a diet I would typically revert to old habits and undo much of what was done on the diet.

I am a person who is healthy. This never stops. It’s a new way to of being. This way of being lasts beyond reaching any particular goal.

Pursuing a way of being is not goal driven. It is journey driven.

Who am I?

That’s the question that shapes the journey.

The Red Wings start tonight and I am entirely too hopeful, too excited, and too lathered up in the Stevie Y butter.

#Wordle 845 4/6*

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I tied the Old Gal today. I really need to get out of the 4 guesses territory to have a shot.

Good morning! May you press on #today with the hope of rest on your horizon.

As I see friends who haven’t seen me in a while they are effusive in their praise of physical fitness. Over the last year, my body has transformed. What they can’t see is the transformation that has taken place in my heart, mind, and soul. Those changes are of course nearly impossible to simply see.

As important as the physical fitness has been, it’s these other changes that are more important. They are the changes that will help me to maintain my physical fitness beyond reaching a goal.

The single most common question that I get is, “how did you do it?”

My usual response is, “eat less, move more.” Which in a crude sense, is exactly the answer.

But there’s more to it than that, much more.

What are the nuts and bolts for the change in fitness that I’ve experienced?

The first thing, of which I’ve written about at length, is that my self-perception had to change. I had to love myself enough to pursue fitness. By loving myself I was able to make a decision to choose a fully orbed pursuit of health.

Regarding spiritual fitness, I once again began reading. I know that sounds silly. Reading had fallen from my regular habits. I read only when necessary. But, over the last year I began reading in earnest. Not just reading, but reading books that challenged me spiritually and theologically. I didn’t read fast or to “get through” things but I read and pondered. This included the Scriptures and books written by people that I wanted to learn from.

I know that these aren’t really the nuts and bolts that people are interested in when they ask, “How did you do it?” But, without the inner changes the outward changes would not have been able to happen. We have to deal with the inside so that the outside can be transformed.

What about the nuts and bolts for the physical fitness?

“How did you do it?”

The first step that I took was to identify what was the friction point that inhibited me from pursuing exercise. What I learned was that my key friction point was how long it would take me to exercise for 45 minutes. My gym was about a 20 minute drive. So, 40 minutes round trip, plus 45 minutes to exercise, plus another 20 minutes to shower and dress. In other words, it took two hours to exercise for 45 minutes. I don’t know about you, but I’m not typically able to carve out two hours from my day.

When I learned this, I started a 15 minutes per day walking commitment. My thought was that I could do anything for 15 minutes. Indeed I could and I did for over a year. This got me moving. Once I started moving, I kept moving.

I realized that I wasn’t losing any weight and my body was not changing. I had to change what was going into my body. I spent about six months controlling for carbohydrates. I ate less than 25g per day. This started my weight loss.

After six months I hit a plateau at about 30lbs lost. One of the trainers at my new gym (it is 7 minutes from my house!) told me about something called Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). This is the number of calories your body burns just by living. He shared with me about the need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight long term. We talked through the role of macronutrients, carbohydrates, fats, and proteins. The plan was to maintain muscle while losing weight. To do this I followed a simple plan.

Eating: I targeted approximately 2000 calories per day with 100g protein as the bulk of those calories. This target was based on my BMR. I used this calculator to determine my calorie goal: BMR Calculator. I ate a lot of chicken, salmon, turkey, cruciferous vegetables, and green leafy vegetables.

Tracking: I used an app called Carb Manager. Its free version allowed me to track calories and macronutrients. The premium version I purchased to get finer control. For about a year I tracked almost everything that I ate and drank. This helped me to understand what foods were costing me in terms of calories. It was surprising to see how many calories were in things like dressings and sauces. Tracking is critical because it keeps you honest.

Exercising: I began lifting weights three days a week and I used an app called, FitBod. It uses AI to construct workouts. There are gifs that show you how to do the lifts and it tracks all the weights that I lift. It’s like having a personal trainer in my phone. I also walked for at least 30 minutes, at least twice a week.

That’s it. That’s the nuts and bolts.

That’s how I did it.

What questions do you have? What other information do you want? How can I help you on your journey?

As I see friends who haven’t seen me in a while they are effusive in their praise of physical fitness. Over the last year, my body has transformed. What they can’t see is the transformation that has taken place in my heart, mind, and soul. Those changes are of course nearly impossible to simply see.

As important as the physical fitness has been, it’s these other changes that are more important. They are the changes that will help me to maintain my physical fitness beyond reaching a goal.

The single most common question that I get is, “how did you do it?”

My usual response is, “eat less, move more.” Which in a crude sense, is exactly the answer.

But there’s more to it than that, much more.

What are the nuts and bolts for the change in fitness that I’ve experienced?

The first thing, of which I’ve written about at length, is that my self-perception had to change. I had to love myself enough to pursue fitness. By loving myself I was able to make a decision to choose a fully orbed pursuit of health.

Regarding spiritual fitness, I once again began reading. I know that sounds silly. Reading had fallen from my regular habits. I read only when necessary. But, over the last year I began reading in earnest. Not just reading, but reading books that challenged me spiritually and theologically. I didn’t read fast or to “get through” things but I read and pondered. This included the Scriptures and books written by people that I wanted to learn from.

I know that these aren’t really the nuts and bolts that people are interested in when they ask, “How did you do it?” But, without the inner changes the outward changes would not have been able to happen. We have to deal with the inside so that the outside can be transformed.

What about the nuts and bolts for the physical fitness?

“How did you do it?”

The first step that I took was to identify what was the friction point that inhibited me from pursuing exercise. What I learned was that my key friction point was how long it would take me to exercise for 45 minutes. My gym was about a 20 minute drive. So, 40 minutes round trip, plus 45 minutes to exercise, plus another 20 minutes to shower and dress. In other words, it took two hours to exercise for 45 minutes. I don’t know about you, but I’m not typically able to carve out two hours from my day.

When I learned this, I started a 15 minutes per day walking commitment. My thought was that I could do anything for 15 minutes. Indeed I could and I did for over a year. This got me moving. Once I started moving, I kept moving.

I realized that I wasn’t losing any weight and my body was not changing. I had to change what was going into my body. I spent about six months controlling for carbohydrates. I ate less than 25g per day. This started my weight loss.

After six months I hit a plateau at about 30lbs lost. One of the trainers at my new gym (it is 7 minutes from my house!) told me about something called Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). This is the number of calories your body burns just by living. He shared with me about the need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight long term. We talked through the role of macronutrients, carbohydrates, fats, and proteins. The plan was to maintain muscle while losing weight. To do this I followed a simple plan.

Eating: I targeted approximately 2000 calories per day with 100g protein as the bulk of those calories. This target was based on my BMR. I used this calculator to determine my calorie goal: BMR Calculator. I ate a lot of chicken, salmon, turkey, cruciferous vegetables, and green leafy vegetables.

Tracking: I used an app called Carb Manager. Its free version allowed me to track calories and macronutrients. The premium version I purchased to get finer control. For about a year I tracked almost everything that I ate and drank. This helped me to understand what foods were costing me in terms of calories. It was surprising to see how many calories were in things like dressings and sauces. Tracking is critical because it keeps you honest.

Exercising: I began lifting weights three days a week and I used an app called, FitBod. It uses AI to construct workouts. There are gifs that show you how to do the lifts and it tracks all the weights that I lift. It’s like having a personal trainer in my phone. I also walked for at least 30 minutes, at least twice a week.

That’s it. That’s the nuts and bolts.

That’s how I did it.

What questions do you have? What other information do you want? How can I help you on your journey?

#Wordle 844 5/6*

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Welp, a five. The Old Gal won today. She is merciless!

Good morning! May you have a sense of joy in your work #today.

How are you able to identify meaning and purpose in your day to day life?

I’ve been noticing that, for me, it comes from the little moments when my kids text me something mundane that they know will make me smile.

Odd isn’t it?

When I was on my 20s I was captured by the, “Don’t waste your life!” ideal of the evangelical Christian subculture. The thought that small, regular, mundane little things would or could provide meaning and purpose simply seemed ridiculous at the time.

I thought true meaning and purpose could only come from great broad influence. It turns out that being fully present in my day to day life has done that more than I could have ever hoped or imagined.

#Wordle 843 4/6*

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🟩🟨🟩🟩🟨

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I am confident the Old Gal will win today. 😅

Good morning! May you glimpse your purpose knowing you matter #today.

I need to jump on the next @challenge from the Micro.Blog fam

I actually didn’t mess up the recording this Sunday. So, here’s this past Sunday sermon in all its glory.

Acts 19:21-41// Golden Calves and Sacred Cows